Friday, July 06, 2007

A Plastic Bag of SUFFOCATION



SUFFOCATING

"Multitudes of cascading droplets crashing down on me,
As if heaven pours spear after spear,
Of trials that pierce deep;
Sharpened blades incising my heart.
My breath is short, my head is spinning;
Could this be happening?
Is this not a dream?"


Wrote "Suffocating" in 5minutes...Believe it or not, that's how long i took. I guess it must have really poured out from deep within. This shows the extent of my suffocation.


SPEARS OF TRIALS:

  • I lost both my grand-auntie and Uncle in the span of 1 & a half months.
Never had a chance to know them well. It's was more of.. i didn't take enough initiative to get to know them better.. Even when i had the chance. I feel so selfish...and GUILTY. But i know, that things like these do happen and i guess, it's God's way of relieving my uncle of his unbearable pain.

  • A special friend left.
My special friend, X left Adelaide for America on a student exchange programme and i miss X lots already. X will be gone for 8 months and we parted on weird terms. I don't know how it would be like when we meet again next year... i don't even want to imagine. I saddens me and scares me.

  • Casual chat with Dad.
Today, Dad shared with me things that he's never shared before. I hope he feels better.
(rest is P & C)

I LOVE YOU, DAD.

  • Kinda failed FRENCH.
I got a mark in the range of 45-49%. The passing mark being 50%, I obviously, failed. I knew i was going to anyway... But God is good. I qualified for a supplementary exam. It's like a second chance. I'll keep my fingers crossed! (this is partly good and bad.-.-)

So... yeah.... All these things combine to make an ultimate PLASTIC BAG; which covers my head and SUFFOCATES me.

I know things will be alright in the end;
But where is the end?
For now, i do not see the end;
I just see the horizon of a never-ending ocean.
As round as the earth ,
These trials run in a circle;
Having no fixed end point,
Having no END.

God is good and faithful.

He NEVER forsook me, is NOT forsaking me & will NOT forsake me.

This verse seems so real and relevant in times like these.

["Cast your anxieties on Him for He cares for you..."] ~1 Peter 5: 7~





3 comments:

Genieve said...

hey, i felt like crying when i read ur post.

those words just felt soo real.
i hope u are alright now.

a plastic bag of suffocation will soon be a PLASTIC BAG OG COURAGE AND STRENGTH.

u are blessed. remember? =)

Lin said...

hey hey...u know i'm not good with words =S but i'll lend u an ear when u need one...i know i know, this comment is a bit outdated...since we see each other every day...

esther said...

Dear Gen and Lin,

Thanks dears... you guys mean the world to me! really...& we're ALL blessed! hehe =)

XOXO,
Esther