Dear World

DEAR WORLD,

I have been in a disappearing act for the past (i don't know how many) months ey?
Looks like I'm backk/... "for now" =)

And then off I am again to some distant land of no return... who knows, i may even find my way back here again..

Life has be hectic as usual. When has it been otherwise? Maybe back in my first year of uni where everything was easy and taken care of. Financial blessings from parents and worries of maintaining a half full bank account never existed. Alas, that's why adults always say... enjoy while you can because life as a student is hardly life at all!

Does that mean I am an adult now?? NOOOOOOOooooo!!
I guess most times, one would pride oneself in being a mature being in thinking and perspectives but priding oneself in one's physical age??? *yelp*
The thought of it just leaves a bitter sting in my throat...

It was just a moment ago I remember saying..
"I wish I was 21. Then freedom is mine~!!"

Ironically (I'm sure most adults go.. tsk tsk),
I somehow wished I could be back in highschool.
With sports practices to go to.
Talks to skip and McDonalds in the middle of schooltime.
When the biggest worry was just...
"I hope that teacher won't spot me eating potato chips from under my desk!"

I guess time does fly.. And looking at people's facebooks accounts, it just dawned on me how different people are to who they used to be, how much they've grown and matured and developed..

Time doesn't wait does it?
I wish upon a wishing star..
I guess I won't be as luckly as Pinocchio.
We can't turn back time nor can we chase it.
I guess the best we can do is keep up with it.

Make the best of it...
That is what I intend to do.
I want to look back and be proud of who I'd become not regret at who I was.
So, time to get back to life and try to the hardest!

And count every blessing we have!

Xoxo,
Esther

Exhaustion + Puke = Snore

I am soooooo exhausted..

It's been such a long day..

I need to go to the gym..

And read a book...

And learn a language...

but it's just impossible to squeeze it into my tight schedule...

Worked 12-3, 6-10. Slept at 4 am the night before.

I need TIMMMEEEEEEE!!!

Oh, i ate soo much after work that i couldn't even breathe...

I HAD to stick my finger down my throat to puke...

Thanks to Chris' toilet... I feel relieved...

AHHH.... now, i can go to bed in peace... lol

Night everyone *yawn*

Sweet dreams!

Chasing Time

It's been a hectic week but I'm glad all the crucial matter that needed attention were managed just perfectly! Documents, photocopies of passport, family health cover, form and forms and forms and the list goes on...

Anyway, the change in education that I was going on about in my last post is all settled now. I was in the midst of accepting the offer letter to do the Masters of Mediation and Conflict Resolution. Now that I have, I can openly say that I'll be doing that for 1.5 years starting Feb 2010. That brings me to the issue of my Bachelor of Pyschological Science graduation. I just can't believe how time flies... three years have passed but it feels like first year uni just started.

It's amazing how a chapter of my life has ended and being so unaware of this, reality checks just scares me! Then the question of what I have achieved in this 3 years.. I'm not proud of what I have achieved in this 3 years. So much more could be done and thus I am promising myself to achieve these things that I set out to do in the past years that have not yet come to pass.

I was never a sucker for New Year's Resolutions but 2010 will be a memorable year filled with extra efforts and extra hard work which "hopefully" yield extra fruits and achievements. A decade over millenium... hmm.. it seems like y2k just happened yesterday.

Oh well... I guess that's how time works.

Time NEVER waits.

Time works on CLOCKWORK where the next move is predictable, routine.

Like the hands of the clock that move in one direction, Time does NOT reverse itself.

Hopefully, we don't live our lives like CLOCKWORK where all is planned like how 1 comes after 12.

But still keeping in mind that life is ticking away and we should do the best we can with it.

I'm turning 23 this year.

Although it's in December 2010. It's still an increase in the second digit.

How old are you?

HAPPY NEW YEAR!

Hello people! I'm back once again.. However, I doubt anyone's reading this site anymore.
Nevertheless... I shall discipline myself to update this for my own good. As in train myself to be consistent in doing something although it doesn't yield immediate or even useful visible fruits...

HAPPY NEW YEAR!

HOPEFULLY YEAR 2010 WILL BE ONE THAT IS EXCITING AND MEANINGFUL!

Personally, I started of this year very pessimistically due to various uncertainties in the area of family, education, love and other main areas in life. However, things have started to unfold slowly but surely. I'm still in the midst of managing certain changes in my life especially in the area of education...(which i shall update you about in the later posts). I guess the saying "time will tell" does reveal things which may be easily welcomed or disappointing even.

I just watched 'The Notebook" based on the romance novel by Nicholas Sparks on again. It just reminded me of all the uncertainties in life and choices that we are often forced to make at certain points in our lives which directly influences and determines what happens subsequently in this journey we call life. Some decisions we may be proud of, some we may not... But ultimately, it is about looking toward what the future holds instead of looking back and wondering why decisions were made the way they were.

Re-reading my previous posts just highlighted the fact that every decision I ever made had reasons behind it.. And whatever happens after that happens. All we can do is try to solve problems with other decisions based on reasoning at present. In other words, don't look back.

It's almost 4am now and i got to get up early tomorrow...
Looking forward to post something tomorrow...
GNight!

Fairy Tales & Happy Endings?

You know how you earn big bucks in monopoly? Well, i wish those ink-printed paper- rainbow coloured money were real! That way, all you need is to move your little metal statue, buy some property and collect big bucks!

Okok.. i'm getting off track. Into a world of fantasies. Talking about fantasies.. the lyrics of "Big Girls DOn't Cry" by Fergie "fairytales don't always have a happy ending do they?" It seems more like a statement than a question.

I guess even if fairy tales don't have happy endings, one could always try to narrate the story according to what is wanted out of it. So what if Snow White wasn't awakened by True Love's First Kiss? One could always rewind one of Disney's first amazing production and change the details to Snow White being awakened by the "dwarfs' heartfelt and sorrowful tears" which splattered on her beautiful porcelain face... That way, she wakes up and it becomes a happy ending.

So, what the ending entails would most definitely be what one makes of it, not what one accepts it for. If "anything goes", Snow White without her Prince would definiely lie in the glass coffin till she withers away in age.

You are entitled to your own happy ending.

Write your own story, Walk the line to happiness.

LIFE- A game?

It's been AGES since i last updated but somehow i feel like updating today. I shall not even attempt to make any resolutions regarding the updating of this blog. It's quite obvious that the range of dates of previous posts show how "successful" at keeping this blog breathing and ventilating with input = inhalation and output = exhalation. Ok... not gonna scientific now...

Was talking to a friend; just today about how life can be likened to a poker game. How some are dealt with good hands and others are not, just is in itself an uncontrollable circumstance. Whatever talents, skills and beneficial personal traits you possess represent the cards that you have in your hand. Now, the cards you have definately affect what outcome you would receive at the end of the gam; in other words, whether you will win or lose. But then what are poker professionals for then if this game is based merely on luck which reflects itself on cards dealt? There is more to the game, you can still win without a great set of cards.

Two ways to it:

(1) You can match the blinds and wait for the flop, the turn and subsequently the river whereby anywhere along the way you can fold (give up). At least, you tried to push for it.

OR

(2) You can bluff and lead the other players to think that you have great cards surpassing theirs and only done when you're sure that no one else has better ones. This causes everyone else to fold.

See, i'm no expert in this games and i may miss out certain parts of it.. but the main factors are considered here. Point 1 can be likened to how we strive in our lives with the little that we have to make ourselves better in certain areas we lack in. Some succeed but some fail. Should failure be dismissed because one tried, at the very least? It is only fair to say yes

Point 2, some can bluff their way through life, fooling everyone with the mask that they put up. But somehow with their masks in place, personality deviced and actions crafted.. is there happiness, or value in that claustrophobic atmosphere? In poker, u raise high, everyone folds, you win.. but small amounts. Small is the gain of fools, but honesty is abundantly rewarded. The truth is everyone wants to win and no matter how small the gain and how big the risk of losing is. For example, if you raise big; there's a chance of someone having something better and you lose it all for nothing.

We can have split identities or personal identities that we may not show to other people and masks that we wear. But none can hide the fact of what our cards are. One thing we need to remember is WHO deals our cards? Many times we forget... HE deals it and he has plans for all of us, he dealt us whatever we have on purpose knowing that it is GOOD for us. All we have to do is accept what we've received and to use it wisely... to wait or to fold. Preferably not a bluff. Like my friend said.. Sometimes, winning is not all there is, it's winning big. Therefore, we should focus less on wining over things in this life but instead focus on winning the biggest prize, the eternal life obtained through Christ Jesus.

Yet again, we are humans and have our frailties. We are greedy creatures that want more, even if it means probabily of little gain for increased investment/ risk.

Be constantly reminded. HE is the dealer, HE loves you and WIN the jackpot not anything less!

P/s: Someone sent me this quote once and i think it's really reflective...

"Don't let the wave of life get you or someday you will wake up and find yourself in a strange place. Take a break, think and analyze every step you have made and in which direction you are goin".

I, for one should be reminded.

Hope this helps you too.

Not that anyone reads this but yeah... whoever u are out there =)

The End Point

Hello.. Yes, I'm back.

The sun so scorching hot and sometimes I really wish I had a wishing star I could wish on the make the earth rotate faster so that summer can pass but then...I'll be missing out a major part of life. Summer being the peak of outdoor activities and such..

Anyway, don't you ever wonder what life is about.
The routines you go through everyday, the neverending cycle of ingestion - digestion - egestion, sleep, work, play (and it goes on). I mean, the list can go on but it'll definitely stop and then we're stuck with those things. So what is life about, to YOU?

Many people find meaning in a lot of different things but in the end of the day, do these things satisfy the need for a sense of purpose or at least a goal point or end point in life? An end point which you can actually look at and think hey... So, this is what's gonna happen to me. I won't be floating about at the end of my life waiting for the "ghost whisperer" to carry out my unrealised motives which traps me in this earth OR reincarnated into another form of life depending on what I did right and wrong in this life. I was thinking that if i were to be in that position, I would at least want to know what I'd become in my next life... Knowing what I'd become, I can actually see an END POINT. You know what i mean?

But anyway, this is just a general discussion on what your think your end point will be? And would everything you do, search for and accumulate right now or in the next few years be of any light to your END POINT... Ponder guys.

I've been thinking... It's always great to reflect. =)

Take care!

A Deliberate Empty Post

Hello hello hello hello....... (echo)

Yes, as the title says... this IS a deliberate empty post.
Cause I really don't know what to blog about but I have to preserve this blog and make blogging a habit eventhough I have nothing to write about.. cause as some of you know, I have a tendency to just vanish and forget this site actually exists!

Ok, been back in Adelaide a few days now..
Everything's been great except the weather. Nevertheless, I'll try to enjoy it knowing that the sun won't be out for a long 3 months plus in winter.

So, just popping by to say HI and BYE!
Gotta run.. still don't have my internet.
I hope we get it soon *fingers crossed*..

~Ta~

12 HOURS TO ADELAIDE

Yes... 12 hours to take off..
Time to pack...
I HATE and DESPISE packing...
Goodnightt..

A Tribute to Jessie Goh

Dear Jessica Goh Kai Yee,

(See I remember ur full name... yay!!)
Ok, getting pretty lame here but... Just to let you know, I miss you too!!

AND I owe it to you to meet you sooonnnnn.. though, I'm not particularly sure when but i'm sure we'll meet. Really wanna know what's happening with you and all the relationship complications and also to update each other on life and all.

So, if you're reading this... I'm always here if you need to talk k? Just give me a call (I'm on 3 network) OR just email me... You take care and have all the fun you can have over there in KL. I'm sure Amir never fails to amaze you with his clowning and how's Howard the monk? Is he really one now...?? hehe!

Thanks Jessie for being a great friend...
And in return, I'm gonna paste up those pics we took in Melbourne last year...lol

Jessie, Me, Leocock

STUFFED!

Miss Gorgeous =)

Big hugs and millions of kisses XOXOXO!

Sincerely,
Esther

Perth + Boredom = Cam-whoring

Hello again!
This is my futile attempt in raising my blog to life AGAIN...
Yes, i know... i'm a hopeless blogger but i should.
An excuse... I didn't have the internet for a month now..

Some of you know i've been in Perth since end of December and THANK HEAVENS i'm going back to Adelaide this friday!

It's not that Perth is all that bad compared to Adelaide. I mean, to be honest and fair... I personally think Perth is way larger and metropolitan than Adelaide in every aspect.
Every suburb is a tiny town in itself and has it's own town council unlike Adelaide when you go.. "where you goin/ what you doin tomorrow?"

Answer:" I'm going to the city!!"
Which obviously means the austere Rundle Mall/ Rundle Street etc.
But in a way, Adelaide seems like home you know.. Mostly cause it's been two years there in that spot, no matter how dreary, quiet and boring it can get, it seems to scream " home" in a way, at least in Australia! In no way comparable to Malaysia of course!
And also maybe the friends and acquaintances..

So, Perth has been pretty boring, no internet etc.. So, we CAM-WHORED. Well, not always but sometimes when we go out.

PERTH CITY

YES, I was boreddd

Pretty Cool huh?

Yes, I even tried taking my dining hall light.. =S

Eunice & 1

Evelyn & I

Eunice

Poser

Three of us

This might probably be the most drop-dead-top-rated-boring post but i thought just let know what i've been doing here.... which is mostly cam whoring.. hehe.

Ansac day was pretty.. we went to sit by the river with hundreds of other people to witness the 45 minutes showcase of expensive fireworks. They were bautiful.. Too bad i didn't have a good camera with me.. ( which i vow to get when i'm abck in Adelaide). One needs to have one to capture nice and memorable moments you know.. okok..

Hear from me soon! bah! =)

27 Dresses

Hey hey....

It's been awhile..
Anyway, just rewatched the movie ,"27 dresses" and i am completely charmed by James Marsden.

Omg... I just realized he is so so so......*bliss*
Considering that the first time i watched that movie was on a corrupted file, not realizing his "good-looking-ness" during the first time round was not such a bad thing ey? lol!

Okok...enough of this. I vowed not to do this on my blog. But i can't help it. He is TOO....*sigh* I have to tell someone!! I even looked for a picture to post up..
I'm such a goner...
Just excuse me for this one post... haha!




ok... signing off now!

BAH!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY EUNICE!!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY EUNICE TAN HUI AI!
Yesss.... now the whole world knows your full name!
Not like many ppl read my blog but yea...
You've been a great sister and amazing friend..
It would have been horrible without being able to chit chat back in those years..
Keep being who you are and continue blessing others around you..
You've certainly been a blessing to me!
God Bless!

Hair Gone Wrong

Get yourself ready for the shock of your life....
Well, at least... that was how I felt while i held my breath as the hairdresser took the rollers out of my hair. After anxiously waiting for an hour and a half while reading "The Hundred Secret Senses" by Amy Tan, I was just agitated.
You know how it feels not knowing how the outcome would be..?? ya..
(Yes, Eunice.. that book is not all that bad..) =)


Anyway, back to HAIR.

Omg... it is a disasterrrr!!!!
How come I'm never satisfied with my haircuts....??
It never turns out the way i expect it to.. instead the total opposite does!
Please tell me most of you do feel that way most of the time too..
Either that or it's just ME!!!

Anyway, here goes...

BEFORE

AFTER

Tada!!! Yes, Yes, Yes..... horrible!!

The curls look like those that stay at home AUNTIE/ MOMS have (no offense) and this style is quite LA-LA a.k.a. "SEE-HAM" ok!
I wanted something similar to my previous hair..just more accentuated locks/ curls if you know what i mean...

*sigh* what to do? I just have to live with it for the next few months...


-helpless-

Stupid nose

STUPID NOSE, COME BACK TO ME...

WHY DO YOU KEEP ON RUNNING...

STOP, STOP, STOP!!!!!!!!!

Nothing

Just decided to enter a post today since i've been missing...
My desperate effort to not let it die again..

I'm tired and sleepy and my nose can't stop running.... It's just so annoying!

Maple story level 13! (my gosh, can't believe i even started)

Jessie's coming back on the 3rddd!!! Can't wait to so you madam vet! Have a safe flight!

Welcome back Pei Nee from Penang.. See you this weekend!

I need to bathe now...
My sweat has evaporated and crystallized into minuscule beads of compounds which makes me feel real sticky and icky. Nothing a good shower can't fix!

Signing off now~
*yawn*

Arrgghhhh...

I am procrastinating again.
I'd rather blog than go down and do it.
They're such dreadful techniques.
The pain and agony.
But results are great.
Therefore, perseverance is the key.
For firm abdominals,
Hold on a guys.
I'll work on you soon.

SIT UPS & CRUNCHES, how i dread YOU.

My Calf Hurts

OR

The latter of course though I wish I had the first one. They're just too cute!
Okok... I'm getting pretty lame posting up such pictures and all...
Just thought my blog needed some pictures to light it up a bit.
Too many words may seem boring. lol!

See the red muscles shown in the diagram??
Mine hurts like mad since 2 days ago..
Cuz of excessive skipping after a long break from it..
Plus yesterday's dancing... it hurts worse.
I have hip hop class in1 hour and a half and I'm so tempted to not go..
HOW?? *sighs*

I guess I should go because I've already paid for this month's fees and it would be a waste of money not going.
So I'm GOING.
I just realized I came here to reason with myself . Gosh...-.-
Sorry you had to read this/// loL!
Have a great day people!

.

In My Shoes for Today

I know it's freaking late... Decided to come online to do the usual "check up" on emails, facebook and others..

Anyway, got back from the social dancing thingie Darryl took me to a few hours ago..
Having mamak in the wee hours of the morning chatting feels good.
Catching up and feeling Malaysian all over again..
The oiliness and dirtiness of Malaysia's food stalls are just the things we need to feel Malaysian!
And mamak is number ONE... come on, ya'll gotta agree with me ey???
(JEAN FOO! Jealous notttt????haha... jkjk! XOXO)

The dance thing was real fun. I enjoyed myself. Thanks "HOT STUFF" for taking me there..lol! I'm sure you learnt as much as I did..

Got to learn lots of different basic steps for different dances.
I didn't know this Taiwanese 4 step rock and roll( i don't know what it's called) existed!
It's just so sad that 2 years of not dancing has erased my memory of what i've learnt in the past. I guess back to basics would be it from now on.



It's good to learn.. The feeling of learning something/ mastering something/ adding knowledge to oneself is something cherished by many.. if not, most people.. including myself.

okok.. Enough of me..=)
Oh ya, Leo Koh have a good flight back today.. Have fun back in Spore with your buds!

Birthdays

I, for one never really gave much thought to birthdays... till recently that is.
Maybe cause I'm turning 21 soon.

It is a time to celebrate one's birth into this wondrous world (though some may not deem it all that fantastic).
I never really did celebrate my past birthdays. The last cake i could recall blowing was.. I don't know 6 years ago or more...??
The last time i went out for a birthday dinner was....5 years ago? (i can't remember)
The only thing i remember the most was last years'... I ate instant noodles while watching tele ALONE.

Yes... pathetic i know. =)

Why??
I guess it's partially because i never really took mine much seriously.
And also cause my birthday is always way back in the year when it's holiday time.
I remember thinking as a child, "I never get pressies cause it's so far way back in the year and most of the time presents come combined with Christmas ones" lol!

But growing older, we all know it's not a time of presents nor gifts. It's a time to share or celebrate our birth with people close to us, to celebrate relationships and friendships built during the course of our lives.
Therefore, stepping into the realm of 21 very very soon... I wonder, who am i to celebrate it with besides family? Who are my real friends?

Being away in Australia and back in Malaysia for summer, many things and circumstances have changed. Friends are dispersed at different ends of Malaysia; some even to the extent of other countries or continents. As Peyton in OTH puts it, "people leave".

So, I guess I'm just gonna let my 21st slip away just like that. Why celebrate myself when being celebrated is the reason celebrations exist?

omg.. this is such a pathetic post.
Must be the flu and fever.
taaaaa...