DEAR WORLD,
I have been in a disappearing act for the past (i don't know how many) months ey?
Looks like I'm backk/... "for now" =)
And then off I am again to some distant land of no return... who knows, i may even find my way back here again..
Life has be hectic as usual. When has it been otherwise? Maybe back in my first year of uni where everything was easy and taken care of. Financial blessings from parents and worries of maintaining a half full bank account never existed. Alas, that's why adults always say... enjoy while you can because life as a student is hardly life at all!
Does that mean I am an adult now?? NOOOOOOOooooo!!
I guess most times, one would pride oneself in being a mature being in thinking and perspectives but priding oneself in one's physical age??? *yelp*
The thought of it just leaves a bitter sting in my throat...
It was just a moment ago I remember saying..
"I wish I was 21. Then freedom is mine~!!"
Ironically (I'm sure most adults go.. tsk tsk),
I somehow wished I could be back in highschool.
With sports practices to go to.
Talks to skip and McDonalds in the middle of schooltime.
When the biggest worry was just...
"I hope that teacher won't spot me eating potato chips from under my desk!"
I guess time does fly.. And looking at people's facebooks accounts, it just dawned on me how different people are to who they used to be, how much they've grown and matured and developed..
Time doesn't wait does it?
I wish upon a wishing star..
I guess I won't be as luckly as Pinocchio.
We can't turn back time nor can we chase it.
I guess the best we can do is keep up with it.
Make the best of it...
That is what I intend to do.
I want to look back and be proud of who I'd become not regret at who I was.
So, time to get back to life and try to the hardest!
And count every blessing we have!
Xoxo,
Esther
Showing posts with label Flood of Thoughts. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Flood of Thoughts. Show all posts
Wednesday, June 09, 2010
Tuesday, January 19, 2010
HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Hello people! I'm back once again.. However, I doubt anyone's reading this site anymore.
Nevertheless... I shall discipline myself to update this for my own good. As in train myself to be consistent in doing something although it doesn't yield immediate or even useful visible fruits...
Personally, I started of this year very pessimistically due to various uncertainties in the area of family, education, love and other main areas in life. However, things have started to unfold slowly but surely. I'm still in the midst of managing certain changes in my life especially in the area of education...(which i shall update you about in the later posts). I guess the saying "time will tell" does reveal things which may be easily welcomed or disappointing even.
I just watched 'The Notebook" based on the romance novel by Nicholas Sparks on again. It just reminded me of all the uncertainties in life and choices that we are often forced to make at certain points in our lives which directly influences and determines what happens subsequently in this journey we call life. Some decisions we may be proud of, some we may not... But ultimately, it is about looking toward what the future holds instead of looking back and wondering why decisions were made the way they were.
Re-reading my previous posts just highlighted the fact that every decision I ever made had reasons behind it.. And whatever happens after that happens. All we can do is try to solve problems with other decisions based on reasoning at present. In other words, don't look back.
It's almost 4am now and i got to get up early tomorrow...
Looking forward to post something tomorrow...
GNight!
Nevertheless... I shall discipline myself to update this for my own good. As in train myself to be consistent in doing something although it doesn't yield immediate or even useful visible fruits...
HAPPY NEW YEAR!
HOPEFULLY YEAR 2010 WILL BE ONE THAT IS EXCITING AND MEANINGFUL!
Personally, I started of this year very pessimistically due to various uncertainties in the area of family, education, love and other main areas in life. However, things have started to unfold slowly but surely. I'm still in the midst of managing certain changes in my life especially in the area of education...(which i shall update you about in the later posts). I guess the saying "time will tell" does reveal things which may be easily welcomed or disappointing even.
I just watched 'The Notebook" based on the romance novel by Nicholas Sparks on again. It just reminded me of all the uncertainties in life and choices that we are often forced to make at certain points in our lives which directly influences and determines what happens subsequently in this journey we call life. Some decisions we may be proud of, some we may not... But ultimately, it is about looking toward what the future holds instead of looking back and wondering why decisions were made the way they were.
Re-reading my previous posts just highlighted the fact that every decision I ever made had reasons behind it.. And whatever happens after that happens. All we can do is try to solve problems with other decisions based on reasoning at present. In other words, don't look back.
It's almost 4am now and i got to get up early tomorrow...
Looking forward to post something tomorrow...
GNight!
Monday, August 24, 2009
Fairy Tales & Happy Endings?
You know how you earn big bucks in monopoly? Well, i wish those ink-printed paper- rainbow coloured money were real! That way, all you need is to move your little metal statue, buy some property and collect big bucks!
Okok.. i'm getting off track. Into a world of fantasies. Talking about fantasies.. the lyrics of "Big Girls DOn't Cry" by Fergie "fairytales don't always have a happy ending do they?" It seems more like a statement than a question.
I guess even if fairy tales don't have happy endings, one could always try to narrate the story according to what is wanted out of it. So what if Snow White wasn't awakened by True Love's First Kiss? One could always rewind one of Disney's first amazing production and change the details to Snow White being awakened by the "dwarfs' heartfelt and sorrowful tears" which splattered on her beautiful porcelain face... That way, she wakes up and it becomes a happy ending.
So, what the ending entails would most definitely be what one makes of it, not what one accepts it for. If "anything goes", Snow White without her Prince would definiely lie in the glass coffin till she withers away in age.
You are entitled to your own happy ending.
Write your own story, Walk the line to happiness.
Friday, August 21, 2009
LIFE- A game?
It's been AGES since i last updated but somehow i feel like updating today. I shall not even attempt to make any resolutions regarding the updating of this blog. It's quite obvious that the range of dates of previous posts show how "successful" at keeping this blog breathing and ventilating with input = inhalation and output = exhalation. Ok... not gonna scientific now...
Was talking to a friend; just today about how life can be likened to a poker game. How some are dealt with good hands and others are not, just is in itself an uncontrollable circumstance. Whatever talents, skills and beneficial personal traits you possess represent the cards that you have in your hand. Now, the cards you have definately affect what outcome you would receive at the end of the gam; in other words, whether you will win or lose. But then what are poker professionals for then if this game is based merely on luck which reflects itself on cards dealt? There is more to the game, you can still win without a great set of cards.
Two ways to it:
(1) You can match the blinds and wait for the flop, the turn and subsequently the river whereby anywhere along the way you can fold (give up). At least, you tried to push for it.
OR
(2) You can bluff and lead the other players to think that you have great cards surpassing theirs and only done when you're sure that no one else has better ones. This causes everyone else to fold.
See, i'm no expert in this games and i may miss out certain parts of it.. but the main factors are considered here. Point 1 can be likened to how we strive in our lives with the little that we have to make ourselves better in certain areas we lack in. Some succeed but some fail. Should failure be dismissed because one tried, at the very least? It is only fair to say yes
Point 2, some can bluff their way through life, fooling everyone with the mask that they put up. But somehow with their masks in place, personality deviced and actions crafted.. is there happiness, or value in that claustrophobic atmosphere? In poker, u raise high, everyone folds, you win.. but small amounts. Small is the gain of fools, but honesty is abundantly rewarded. The truth is everyone wants to win and no matter how small the gain and how big the risk of losing is. For example, if you raise big; there's a chance of someone having something better and you lose it all for nothing.
We can have split identities or personal identities that we may not show to other people and masks that we wear. But none can hide the fact of what our cards are. One thing we need to remember is WHO deals our cards? Many times we forget... HE deals it and he has plans for all of us, he dealt us whatever we have on purpose knowing that it is GOOD for us. All we have to do is accept what we've received and to use it wisely... to wait or to fold. Preferably not a bluff. Like my friend said.. Sometimes, winning is not all there is, it's winning big. Therefore, we should focus less on wining over things in this life but instead focus on winning the biggest prize, the eternal life obtained through Christ Jesus.
Yet again, we are humans and have our frailties. We are greedy creatures that want more, even if it means probabily of little gain for increased investment/ risk.
Be constantly reminded. HE is the dealer, HE loves you and WIN the jackpot not anything less!
P/s: Someone sent me this quote once and i think it's really reflective...
"Don't let the wave of life get you or someday you will wake up and find yourself in a strange place. Take a break, think and analyze every step you have made and in which direction you are goin".
I, for one should be reminded.
Hope this helps you too.
Not that anyone reads this but yeah... whoever u are out there =)
Friday, February 06, 2009
The End Point
Hello.. Yes, I'm back.
The sun so scorching hot and sometimes I really wish I had a wishing star I could wish on the make the earth rotate faster so that summer can pass but then...I'll be missing out a major part of life. Summer being the peak of outdoor activities and such..
Anyway, don't you ever wonder what life is about.
The routines you go through everyday, the neverending cycle of ingestion - digestion - egestion, sleep, work, play (and it goes on). I mean, the list can go on but it'll definitely stop and then we're stuck with those things. So what is life about, to YOU?
Many people find meaning in a lot of different things but in the end of the day, do these things satisfy the need for a sense of purpose or at least a goal point or end point in life? An end point which you can actually look at and think hey... So, this is what's gonna happen to me. I won't be floating about at the end of my life waiting for the "ghost whisperer" to carry out my unrealised motives which traps me in this earth OR reincarnated into another form of life depending on what I did right and wrong in this life. I was thinking that if i were to be in that position, I would at least want to know what I'd become in my next life... Knowing what I'd become, I can actually see an END POINT. You know what i mean?
But anyway, this is just a general discussion on what your think your end point will be? And would everything you do, search for and accumulate right now or in the next few years be of any light to your END POINT... Ponder guys.
I've been thinking... It's always great to reflect. =)
Take care!
The sun so scorching hot and sometimes I really wish I had a wishing star I could wish on the make the earth rotate faster so that summer can pass but then...I'll be missing out a major part of life. Summer being the peak of outdoor activities and such..
Anyway, don't you ever wonder what life is about.
The routines you go through everyday, the neverending cycle of ingestion - digestion - egestion, sleep, work, play (and it goes on). I mean, the list can go on but it'll definitely stop and then we're stuck with those things. So what is life about, to YOU?
Many people find meaning in a lot of different things but in the end of the day, do these things satisfy the need for a sense of purpose or at least a goal point or end point in life? An end point which you can actually look at and think hey... So, this is what's gonna happen to me. I won't be floating about at the end of my life waiting for the "ghost whisperer" to carry out my unrealised motives which traps me in this earth OR reincarnated into another form of life depending on what I did right and wrong in this life. I was thinking that if i were to be in that position, I would at least want to know what I'd become in my next life... Knowing what I'd become, I can actually see an END POINT. You know what i mean?
But anyway, this is just a general discussion on what your think your end point will be? And would everything you do, search for and accumulate right now or in the next few years be of any light to your END POINT... Ponder guys.
I've been thinking... It's always great to reflect. =)
Take care!
Wednesday, November 26, 2008
Birthdays
I, for one never really gave much thought to birthdays... till recently that is.
Maybe cause I'm turning 21 soon.
It is a time to celebrate one's birth into this wondrous world (though some may not deem it all that fantastic).
I never really did celebrate my past birthdays. The last cake i could recall blowing was.. I don't know 6 years ago or more...??
The last time i went out for a birthday dinner was....5 years ago? (i can't remember)
The only thing i remember the most was last years'... I ate instant noodles while watching tele ALONE.
Yes... pathetic i know. =)
Why??
I guess it's partially because i never really took mine much seriously.
And also cause my birthday is always way back in the year when it's holiday time.
I remember thinking as a child, "I never get pressies cause it's so far way back in the year and most of the time presents come combined with Christmas ones" lol!
But growing older, we all know it's not a time of presents nor gifts. It's a time to share or celebrate our birth with people close to us, to celebrate relationships and friendships built during the course of our lives.
Therefore, stepping into the realm of 21 very very soon... I wonder, who am i to celebrate it with besides family? Who are my real friends?
Being away in Australia and back in Malaysia for summer, many things and circumstances have changed. Friends are dispersed at different ends of Malaysia; some even to the extent of other countries or continents. As Peyton in OTH puts it, "people leave".
So, I guess I'm just gonna let my 21st slip away just like that. Why celebrate myself when being celebrated is the reason celebrations exist?
omg.. this is such a pathetic post.
Must be the flu and fever.
taaaaa...
Maybe cause I'm turning 21 soon.
It is a time to celebrate one's birth into this wondrous world (though some may not deem it all that fantastic).
I never really did celebrate my past birthdays. The last cake i could recall blowing was.. I don't know 6 years ago or more...??
The last time i went out for a birthday dinner was....5 years ago? (i can't remember)
The only thing i remember the most was last years'... I ate instant noodles while watching tele ALONE.
Yes... pathetic i know. =)
Why??
I guess it's partially because i never really took mine much seriously.
And also cause my birthday is always way back in the year when it's holiday time.
I remember thinking as a child, "I never get pressies cause it's so far way back in the year and most of the time presents come combined with Christmas ones" lol!
But growing older, we all know it's not a time of presents nor gifts. It's a time to share or celebrate our birth with people close to us, to celebrate relationships and friendships built during the course of our lives.
Therefore, stepping into the realm of 21 very very soon... I wonder, who am i to celebrate it with besides family? Who are my real friends?
Being away in Australia and back in Malaysia for summer, many things and circumstances have changed. Friends are dispersed at different ends of Malaysia; some even to the extent of other countries or continents. As Peyton in OTH puts it, "people leave".
So, I guess I'm just gonna let my 21st slip away just like that. Why celebrate myself when being celebrated is the reason celebrations exist?
omg.. this is such a pathetic post.
Must be the flu and fever.
taaaaa...
Wednesday, November 19, 2008
REVIVAL IS HERE!
Yes Yes Yes... You heard right! This BLOG is revived once again....!!!
Hopefully it'll stay alive for longer than its other past life.
Being back in Malaysia for 3 days now, I couldn't help but ponder:
"How exactly do I view this country, one that i've been raised in and growing up in for the past 20 years of my life?"
Driving around the over-vehicle-populated town of Kajang, it felt familiar. The familiarity of being stuck in a traffic jam for almost an hour when the journey should only take 15 mins; circulating the town over and over and OVER again looking for ONE friggin legal parking spot felt so FAMILIAR.
Along with familiarity comes comfort. The comfort of being in a familiar place where life once gradually unfolded and yielded the revelation of character, hope, dreams, failures, fears so on and so forth.
So i guess the 2 words are FAMILIARITY and COMFORT.
However, it seemed foreign as well to a certain extent.
This is not much in relation to personal life matters but leaning more to the society and how different public treatments are. I was left flabbergasted at many instances. I wondered, "It hasn't changed THIS much in a year has it? It's impossible". But when i think this through thoroughly, it may have been just the adaptation of one to one's environment that may have crafted an expectation for other people to act certain ways, to have certain values to view things that are acceptable to one as acceptable in their eyes as well. In this case, me having an implicit expectation.
Well, probably things or people have not changed in this short duration of time instead I might have. My expectation as well maybe?
"We desire what we expect, experiencing the unexpected is undesirable. So are we wrong to expect or are people wrong to not be able to fulfill what we expect of them?"
I've found my answer. What's yours?
Hopefully it'll stay alive for longer than its other past life.
Being back in Malaysia for 3 days now, I couldn't help but ponder:
"How exactly do I view this country, one that i've been raised in and growing up in for the past 20 years of my life?"
Driving around the over-vehicle-populated town of Kajang, it felt familiar. The familiarity of being stuck in a traffic jam for almost an hour when the journey should only take 15 mins; circulating the town over and over and OVER again looking for ONE friggin legal parking spot felt so FAMILIAR.
Along with familiarity comes comfort. The comfort of being in a familiar place where life once gradually unfolded and yielded the revelation of character, hope, dreams, failures, fears so on and so forth.
So i guess the 2 words are FAMILIARITY and COMFORT.
However, it seemed foreign as well to a certain extent.
This is not much in relation to personal life matters but leaning more to the society and how different public treatments are. I was left flabbergasted at many instances. I wondered, "It hasn't changed THIS much in a year has it? It's impossible". But when i think this through thoroughly, it may have been just the adaptation of one to one's environment that may have crafted an expectation for other people to act certain ways, to have certain values to view things that are acceptable to one as acceptable in their eyes as well. In this case, me having an implicit expectation.
Well, probably things or people have not changed in this short duration of time instead I might have. My expectation as well maybe?
"We desire what we expect, experiencing the unexpected is undesirable. So are we wrong to expect or are people wrong to not be able to fulfill what we expect of them?"
I've found my answer. What's yours?
Wednesday, September 12, 2007
Past, Present & Future
I found this somewhere, wrote it down and just re-read it. It's put in such a nice way and there's truth in those words as well.
I asked God, "how do i get the best out of life?"
He answered, " never regret your pasts, handle the present with confidence, prepare for the future without fear."
Then He added, "Drop the fear, keep the faith. Don't believe your doubts and never doubt your beliefs."
It's so easy to read and understand those words but it's harder to apply it to our own lives, don't you think so?
But i think it's a really good illustration and way to actually bring ourselves to greater heights. Because regrets pull us down and keeps us in an underground dungeon of " i shouldn't have", "it would be so different if i just..." and "i should have done this instead of that".
It's hard to prepare for the future without fear. It's like trying to walk blindfold at the peak of a mountain oblivious to where all the ridges and edges are. One step might just kill. But i guess, without fear...we'd be able to open a door of possibilities. Then we would not have to regret "not knowing" or "not doing" something that we thought we should have done later on in the future.
I'm talking in circles and circles and circles againnnnn.. I'm ssssoooooo "cheong hei"..-.-
Anyways, just a train of thoughts..
Cheers~
I asked God, "how do i get the best out of life?"
He answered, " never regret your pasts, handle the present with confidence, prepare for the future without fear."
Then He added, "Drop the fear, keep the faith. Don't believe your doubts and never doubt your beliefs."
It's so easy to read and understand those words but it's harder to apply it to our own lives, don't you think so?
But i think it's a really good illustration and way to actually bring ourselves to greater heights. Because regrets pull us down and keeps us in an underground dungeon of " i shouldn't have", "it would be so different if i just..." and "i should have done this instead of that".
It's hard to prepare for the future without fear. It's like trying to walk blindfold at the peak of a mountain oblivious to where all the ridges and edges are. One step might just kill. But i guess, without fear...we'd be able to open a door of possibilities. Then we would not have to regret "not knowing" or "not doing" something that we thought we should have done later on in the future.
I'm talking in circles and circles and circles againnnnn.. I'm ssssoooooo "cheong hei"..-.-
Anyways, just a train of thoughts..
Cheers~
Friday, September 07, 2007
LIES vs. TRUTHS
It's 12.58am and i i have to get up at 7.00am which is about...6 hours away! I decided about 20minutes ago that i would go to bed early tonight cause i'm totally bummed out, zapped out, electricity-less...???? Whatever it is, i'm just SO exhausted.
What am i doing here?
~ I'll answer that... cause i cannot go to bed with this load hanging off my shoulders.
Is wasting my time writing crappy stuff over here even worth it?
~ I'll answer that again... YES. Where else can i let out my pent up feelings? I don't believe in jotting down EVERY single detail of my wondrous life on this page amongst the millions of websites. But, i do believe that it's a place to release some emotions, feelings, beliefs, thoughts etc. etc. etc.
And obviously, since i'm here eventhough my brain, eyes and head are killing me proves the existence of a multitude of turmoils going on within me...
I AM anything but.... HAPPY.
Came home happy..
Ate my burger happily..
Felt tired but contented..
Felt happy even though i'd only get a maximum of 6hours of sleep..
Till i witnessed something.
Yeah..... and don't even try to guess, cause you wouldn't be able to..
Whoever who knows me and happen to read this, just don't ask WHAT or WHY cause you would not get a single valid answer from me. It would mean the world to me if you just DO NOT ask. I know it's weird writing all these and then asking u guys not to ask but it's just a place to pour out my soul to myself.. If you get what i mean. Thanks dears... =)
Sometimes, i wonder if the world is filled with lies.
Does deception rule mankind?
Does deceit lurk at every corner?
Even in the very pastures where i put my utmost trust in?
Or..
Is it just my senses that are over-working?
The subconscious part of my mind reeling off unknowingly?
All i know is that,
Our surroundings are no more genuine..
I do not know what's real and what's fake..
What i believe is true might just bounce back at me and stun me right in the face..
But still,
I cannot say for sure..
Isn't a question a question till we get an answer?
I have not gotten my answer YET and i doubt i EVER will
For the world is the world
And the world is a place where some questions are left unanswered
And i'm still asking the questions:
Is it deception or is it genuine?
Are they lies or merely truths?
----------------------------------THE END----------------------------------
What am i doing here?
~ I'll answer that... cause i cannot go to bed with this load hanging off my shoulders.
Is wasting my time writing crappy stuff over here even worth it?
~ I'll answer that again... YES. Where else can i let out my pent up feelings? I don't believe in jotting down EVERY single detail of my wondrous life on this page amongst the millions of websites. But, i do believe that it's a place to release some emotions, feelings, beliefs, thoughts etc. etc. etc.
And obviously, since i'm here eventhough my brain, eyes and head are killing me proves the existence of a multitude of turmoils going on within me...
I AM anything but.... HAPPY.
Came home happy..
Ate my burger happily..
Felt tired but contented..
Felt happy even though i'd only get a maximum of 6hours of sleep..
Till i witnessed something.
Yeah..... and don't even try to guess, cause you wouldn't be able to..
Whoever who knows me and happen to read this, just don't ask WHAT or WHY cause you would not get a single valid answer from me. It would mean the world to me if you just DO NOT ask. I know it's weird writing all these and then asking u guys not to ask but it's just a place to pour out my soul to myself.. If you get what i mean. Thanks dears... =)
Sometimes, i wonder if the world is filled with lies.
Does deception rule mankind?
Does deceit lurk at every corner?
Even in the very pastures where i put my utmost trust in?
Or..
Is it just my senses that are over-working?
The subconscious part of my mind reeling off unknowingly?
All i know is that,
Our surroundings are no more genuine..
I do not know what's real and what's fake..
What i believe is true might just bounce back at me and stun me right in the face..
But still,
I cannot say for sure..
Isn't a question a question till we get an answer?
I have not gotten my answer YET and i doubt i EVER will
For the world is the world
And the world is a place where some questions are left unanswered
And i'm still asking the questions:
Is it deception or is it genuine?
Are they lies or merely truths?
I can't say for sure and will never know for sure.
Still holding on His love and guidance for:
HIS LOVE NEVER FAILS.
----------------------------------THE END----------------------------------
Saturday, September 01, 2007
Falling & Learning
My nickname on MSN:
"Humans are Complicated - How much more do we have to fall to learn? If learning is learning, ONE fall would be enough. But it is never enough for us, is it? At least, not for ME."
I was doing a flashback on my life just a week ago and i realised that no matter how many times i fall and tell myself i'm never going to fall for the same issue EVER again, i WILL still fall somehow..on purpose or even, accidentally. It's just ironic how we (sorry if you aren't..) okay.... I, do that all over again eventhough i know what the outcome would be.
For instance, i pray... "Lord, thank you so much for helping me in my exams. I couldn't have done it without you. i'm going to be more hardworking and not do last minute studying anymore. Then, i do it AGAIN. Then, i thank God AGAIN" ...and then it goes ON and ON and ON... I really can't imagine the greatness of God's patience and tolerance... Who in the world can "tahan" a child like that??! hehe..
But still, my point is that, no matter how many times we tell ourselves that this is the LAST stupid thing we'll do, it never IS the last and never WILL be..
Sometimes, i think that falling in itself is the JOY of being who we are and it is definitely the JOY of life. I wouldn't want to know all the RIGHT things, do all the RIGHT things and not feel the JOY in falling, learning and falling again... If we do ALL the right things ALL of the time, what would we learn other than "This is right and anything other than that is wrong"..???
Without falling, we would never feel pain..the anguish of a slash across our hearts. Then, we would never know that.."Whow, a 'knife' can actually hurt me..". A "knife" could be anything...
Without falling, there wouldn't be a scar. We wouldn't even know that a scar would appear after the wound heals. A scar resembles something that we can look back at and say, "yeah...i remember this thing happening and when i look at it again, i'll remember not to repeat what i did.."
Without falling, we would never know how it feels like to heal. The painful and confusing process and the victorious battle against the WHYs.
Without falling, we would never be who we are at the moment. And not being who we are, it is just pointless in itself, isn't it?
So, my conclusion would be that "falling" in life's context is what contributes to the best of who we are right now. Personally, i think it's great to fall and learn because it helps me understand people more. It helps me to be able to say, "I've been in your shoes and i know how you feel". I've always believed that the little things you do might mean the world to others. The little things like listening or just by being there when one is going through trying times might mean a lot more than u can imagine.
So, all the "wrong" things i've done in the past which caused me to fall are things which taught me and i don't regret them. Like what some say, "Why regret when it's done? What is done is done. Regretting would just pull you into a whirlpool of confusion". I used to be someone who goes, "I shouldn't have done that...etc." But after i came over here to Adelaide, i believe that whatever is done is done and i have no regrets because...isn't learning a lifelong act? And doesn't learning come from falling? So, no matter how many times i fall, i would be eager to learn and through learning only can i earnestly understand the similar things that others go through.
I've always wanted to help but like my mom says, "You can't satisfy everyone in the world". And it IS true.. but falling and learning opens up wider doors to knowing how others feel in certain life situations.
I've been writing non-stop and if i shouldn't go on and on cause i might bore you.... that is, if there is a "YOU" reading this. hehe =) Hope this post actually relates to u guys..
~CHEERS~
"Humans are Complicated - How much more do we have to fall to learn? If learning is learning, ONE fall would be enough. But it is never enough for us, is it? At least, not for ME."
I was doing a flashback on my life just a week ago and i realised that no matter how many times i fall and tell myself i'm never going to fall for the same issue EVER again, i WILL still fall somehow..on purpose or even, accidentally. It's just ironic how we (sorry if you aren't..) okay.... I, do that all over again eventhough i know what the outcome would be.
For instance, i pray... "Lord, thank you so much for helping me in my exams. I couldn't have done it without you. i'm going to be more hardworking and not do last minute studying anymore. Then, i do it AGAIN. Then, i thank God AGAIN" ...and then it goes ON and ON and ON... I really can't imagine the greatness of God's patience and tolerance... Who in the world can "tahan" a child like that??! hehe..
But still, my point is that, no matter how many times we tell ourselves that this is the LAST stupid thing we'll do, it never IS the last and never WILL be..
Sometimes, i think that falling in itself is the JOY of being who we are and it is definitely the JOY of life. I wouldn't want to know all the RIGHT things, do all the RIGHT things and not feel the JOY in falling, learning and falling again... If we do ALL the right things ALL of the time, what would we learn other than "This is right and anything other than that is wrong"..???
Without falling, we would never feel pain..the anguish of a slash across our hearts. Then, we would never know that.."Whow, a 'knife' can actually hurt me..". A "knife" could be anything...
Without falling, there wouldn't be a scar. We wouldn't even know that a scar would appear after the wound heals. A scar resembles something that we can look back at and say, "yeah...i remember this thing happening and when i look at it again, i'll remember not to repeat what i did.."
Without falling, we would never know how it feels like to heal. The painful and confusing process and the victorious battle against the WHYs.
Without falling, we would never be who we are at the moment. And not being who we are, it is just pointless in itself, isn't it?
So, my conclusion would be that "falling" in life's context is what contributes to the best of who we are right now. Personally, i think it's great to fall and learn because it helps me understand people more. It helps me to be able to say, "I've been in your shoes and i know how you feel". I've always believed that the little things you do might mean the world to others. The little things like listening or just by being there when one is going through trying times might mean a lot more than u can imagine.
So, all the "wrong" things i've done in the past which caused me to fall are things which taught me and i don't regret them. Like what some say, "Why regret when it's done? What is done is done. Regretting would just pull you into a whirlpool of confusion". I used to be someone who goes, "I shouldn't have done that...etc." But after i came over here to Adelaide, i believe that whatever is done is done and i have no regrets because...isn't learning a lifelong act? And doesn't learning come from falling? So, no matter how many times i fall, i would be eager to learn and through learning only can i earnestly understand the similar things that others go through.
I've always wanted to help but like my mom says, "You can't satisfy everyone in the world". And it IS true.. but falling and learning opens up wider doors to knowing how others feel in certain life situations.
I've been writing non-stop and if i shouldn't go on and on cause i might bore you.... that is, if there is a "YOU" reading this. hehe =) Hope this post actually relates to u guys..
~CHEERS~
Tuesday, August 14, 2007
Unrequited Effort
My friend, Y is going through this small tiny time in his life which is not what we would consider pleasant. Looking at him i see myself and reflected are similar past experiences.
I dare say that we all go through this situation at some point of our lives.
A time where people whom you seek acceptance from; for example friends and peers, just fail you. They fail to see you for who you are. Instead, they judge you with the little they know. We sometimes ask, "why?"
Like there's no black and white in life, there's no wrong and right. At least, in this situation, there isn't.
Which party is at fault and which is not, we can never tell.
I dare say that we all go through this situation at some point of our lives.
A time where people whom you seek acceptance from; for example friends and peers, just fail you. They fail to see you for who you are. Instead, they judge you with the little they know. We sometimes ask, "why?"
Like there's no black and white in life, there's no wrong and right. At least, in this situation, there isn't.
Which party is at fault and which is not, we can never tell.
Unrequited Effort
Reality, he hits and startles me
My heart ponders with every beat it takes
How much have i to love to be loved in return?
Why is it that the mountains i lay down
Do not bring back even a shilling's worth?
The rumblings conquering my mind
They kill the speed of light
Tormenting me with chants
Of how much i have lost
Of the big part of my heart it has cost.
I wish I had not tried
I wish I had not pried
But wishing to reverse time
Is pointless in itself
Do the serpents soar as eagles do?
By trying, i yielded more pain
As adding salt to the wound
My attempts scraped me of my pride
Scarring my innermost feelings
A living being can only take as much.
This three-part sonata will be concluded
With an ignorant pause at the end
I will let go of this bitterness
However i will try no more
But dwell in golden silence.
Be Encouraged! =)
Reality, he hits and startles me
My heart ponders with every beat it takes
How much have i to love to be loved in return?
Why is it that the mountains i lay down
Do not bring back even a shilling's worth?
The rumblings conquering my mind
They kill the speed of light
Tormenting me with chants
Of how much i have lost
Of the big part of my heart it has cost.
I wish I had not tried
I wish I had not pried
But wishing to reverse time
Is pointless in itself
Do the serpents soar as eagles do?
By trying, i yielded more pain
As adding salt to the wound
My attempts scraped me of my pride
Scarring my innermost feelings
A living being can only take as much.
This three-part sonata will be concluded
With an ignorant pause at the end
I will let go of this bitterness
However i will try no more
But dwell in golden silence.
Esther
Be strong and never doubt who you are just because someone thinks less of you than he or she ought to.
Be Encouraged! =)
Saturday, August 11, 2007
Amazed
Listening to Michael Buble..
Wind blowing through the window..
At long last, had sufficient sleep last night..
It was & IS still great..
I was on the bus the other day and i saw this African-American. Then it struck me.. how POWERFUL God is. His ability to create us all with different skin tones, different hair quality, different features (and the list goes on).. is just utterly AMAZING!
I was so amazed...
I know he created the whole universe, the nine planets, the SUN, MOON, STARS.
I know he created animals , plants and the systems that make them function.
I know he created mountains, seas and soil just by a word from His mouth.
BUT..
What captivates me the most is,
US...His most precious creation.
How he made us SO different in SO many areas just shouts out His POWER.
Sam said something last night at ocf that i thought was really beautiful and the best ever illustration of how GREAT God is.
"He holds the world in the palm of His hands..."
That's how BIG He is..
And having that authority tells us how "WHOW" he is..
I'm going on and on and on..
Beating around the bush..
And i think i should stop now...LOL
Tataz~
Wind blowing through the window..
At long last, had sufficient sleep last night..
It was & IS still great..
I was on the bus the other day and i saw this African-American. Then it struck me.. how POWERFUL God is. His ability to create us all with different skin tones, different hair quality, different features (and the list goes on).. is just utterly AMAZING!
I was so amazed...
I know he created the whole universe, the nine planets, the SUN, MOON, STARS.
I know he created animals , plants and the systems that make them function.
I know he created mountains, seas and soil just by a word from His mouth.
BUT..
What captivates me the most is,
US...His most precious creation.
How he made us SO different in SO many areas just shouts out His POWER.
Sam said something last night at ocf that i thought was really beautiful and the best ever illustration of how GREAT God is.
"He holds the world in the palm of His hands..."
That's how BIG He is..
And having that authority tells us how "WHOW" he is..
I'm going on and on and on..
Beating around the bush..
And i think i should stop now...LOL
Tataz~
Wednesday, August 01, 2007
Amazing GRACE
The movie "Amazing Grace" opened my eyes...
To see beyond what i have... beyond what we, fortunate folks possess.
To the injustices of this world.
To how much more we should show grace, the way Christ did.
To be set apart, consecrated from the world and to stand up for what we think is right.
To how AMAZING His grace is to us...who are so undeserving.
GRACE in general, according to the dictionary:
- a manifestation of favor
- mercy, pardon, clemency
GRACE theologically, according to the dictionary:
I just realised that there's a similarity in both the general and theological definitions of GRACE. Obviously, it's the word "favor" which i've typed in bold.
Then, i realised... it's the manifestation of favor from one person to another AND it's the manifestation of UNMERITED favor and love of God towards men respectively.
Unmerited?? It has many definitions. So, i dictionary.com-ed.
MERIT: to be worthy of, to deserve.
I was like...., "Ahhhh... i see.
To see beyond what i have... beyond what we, fortunate folks possess.
To the injustices of this world.
To how much more we should show grace, the way Christ did.
To be set apart, consecrated from the world and to stand up for what we think is right.
To how AMAZING His grace is to us...who are so undeserving.
GRACE in general, according to the dictionary:
- a manifestation of favor
- mercy, pardon, clemency
GRACE theologically, according to the dictionary:
| - | the freely given, unmerited favor and love of God. |
| - | the influence or spirit of God operating in humans to regenerate or strengthen them. |
| - | a virtue or excellence of divine origin: the Christian graces. |
I just realised that there's a similarity in both the general and theological definitions of GRACE. Obviously, it's the word "favor" which i've typed in bold.
Then, i realised... it's the manifestation of favor from one person to another AND it's the manifestation of UNMERITED favor and love of God towards men respectively.
Unmerited?? It has many definitions. So, i dictionary.com-ed.
MERIT: to be worthy of, to deserve.
I was like...., "Ahhhh... i see.
" It's God's manifestation of favor and love to those who are not worthy of & who do not deserve it."
BINGO!
BINGO!
Tuesday, July 31, 2007
ANTHROPOLOGISTS!!
I haven't finished my reading and i don't think i will...
I read through it and i daresay, i don't understand a word!!!! *sigh*
Anthropologists!!! Why can't they be more simple?? Why can't they write short and concise sentences rather than going on and on like a train travelling a hundred miles an hour just to convey one little TEENY WEENY point that can just be rewritten clearly into a short, neat and beautiful sentence??!!!!!
*sighs*
Reading it just gives me the headaches... seriously!!(-.-) Maybe that's why they're called anthropologists! Oh well, i guess i'll just go for my tute tomorrow and act like "i-tried-reading-but-never-understood-a-word" person. I'm sure the tutor would be "delighted" to have me. At least i tried.... *sighs*.
Kay.... enough of my complaints!
Auntie Marilyn shared a verse with me (through eelin) cause the bus which took me home on Sunday evening from church was late. I couldn't attend BS at hosanna... So, yah.. Anyway, it goes:
" You are my hiding place; You will protect me from trouble and surround me with songs of deliverance. I will instruct you in the way you should go; I will counsel you and watch over you."
Psalms 32: 7,8
This verse is in line with what i've learnt over the week. I'm sure it was God's doing and i praise Him for His faithfulness!!
Another verse popped into my head a few seconds ago..
" Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him and He will make your paths straight."
Sometimes, i forget how faithful He has been to me. When i look back through the chapters of my life, i realise that... there was only 1pair of footsteps in the sand at many instances in my life & those definitely...belonged to my Father. How could i be so unfaithful as to not trust wholly in Him and stop worrying?
I guess we're all humans and all of us do make mistakes. I, for one did. I forgot to give Him my whole trust. It is also written in the bible that... if He, our Father in Heaven can clothe the flowers and feed the ravens, how much more will He provide for us, His beloved children and heirs. So, why should we worry?
" All things work out for the good of those who love Him."
I'm putting my life at his altar and i know there's nothing to worry about! =)
As stated in Psalms 32: 7& 8, He will instruct and teach in the way i should go and He will counsel me and watch over me. And if i trust in Him, He in all his splendour will make my paths straight according to His perfect will. He'll do the same for you too! =)
He will never be able to straighten our paths if we don't let Him.
TRUST= Putting everything in His hands and LETTING Him take hold of what is OURS, making it HIS.
I think i'm becoming super duper duper long winded la....
Anyway, you get what i mean la...
Trust in Him..
Know that He is God..
Our provider, strength, refuge and most importantly FATHER.
I read through it and i daresay, i don't understand a word!!!! *sigh*
Anthropologists!!! Why can't they be more simple?? Why can't they write short and concise sentences rather than going on and on like a train travelling a hundred miles an hour just to convey one little TEENY WEENY point that can just be rewritten clearly into a short, neat and beautiful sentence??!!!!!
*sighs*
Reading it just gives me the headaches... seriously!!(-.-) Maybe that's why they're called anthropologists! Oh well, i guess i'll just go for my tute tomorrow and act like "i-tried-reading-but-never-understood-a-word" person. I'm sure the tutor would be "delighted" to have me. At least i tried.... *sighs*.
Kay.... enough of my complaints!
Auntie Marilyn shared a verse with me (through eelin) cause the bus which took me home on Sunday evening from church was late. I couldn't attend BS at hosanna... So, yah.. Anyway, it goes:
" You are my hiding place; You will protect me from trouble and surround me with songs of deliverance. I will instruct you in the way you should go; I will counsel you and watch over you."
Psalms 32: 7,8
This verse is in line with what i've learnt over the week. I'm sure it was God's doing and i praise Him for His faithfulness!!
Another verse popped into my head a few seconds ago..
" Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him and He will make your paths straight."
Sometimes, i forget how faithful He has been to me. When i look back through the chapters of my life, i realise that... there was only 1pair of footsteps in the sand at many instances in my life & those definitely...belonged to my Father. How could i be so unfaithful as to not trust wholly in Him and stop worrying?
I guess we're all humans and all of us do make mistakes. I, for one did. I forgot to give Him my whole trust. It is also written in the bible that... if He, our Father in Heaven can clothe the flowers and feed the ravens, how much more will He provide for us, His beloved children and heirs. So, why should we worry?
" All things work out for the good of those who love Him."
I'm putting my life at his altar and i know there's nothing to worry about! =)
As stated in Psalms 32: 7& 8, He will instruct and teach in the way i should go and He will counsel me and watch over me. And if i trust in Him, He in all his splendour will make my paths straight according to His perfect will. He'll do the same for you too! =)
He will never be able to straighten our paths if we don't let Him.
TRUST= Putting everything in His hands and LETTING Him take hold of what is OURS, making it HIS.
I think i'm becoming super duper duper long winded la....
Anyway, you get what i mean la...
Trust in Him..
Know that He is God..
Our provider, strength, refuge and most importantly FATHER.
Wednesday, July 25, 2007
PEACE
Sometimes, we go through challenging times in life. Times where we just do not know where to turn to. Times where, peace is all we need and want BUT as twisted as this world is, so is seeking solace & peace. At least, it may seem like it's twisted.
Finding peace may seem hard but maybe we're just looking in the wrong corners and spaces in this world..Find out how & and where it is found...
For with peace comes hope. And with hope comes happiness.
WHERE IS PEACE FOUND?
Feeling the breeze
Wrapped by a twirl of blackness
Lying facing the starry trapeze
I look with a sense of bleakness
The tornado of darkness
That blurring my vision
Familiar it is; but why so?
Lingering in my soul’s horizon
This darkness reveals nothing
Like a man clothed in sparkling jewels
With ephemeral depths is gleaming loathing
Reason after reason
Collide in my mind
What holds me in this prison;
My soul searches to find
Possible causes rise and sink
Does a roll of the dice speak?
Is this what life merely is?
A whirlpool of probabilities and magic tricks?
As doves in tricks
Emerging from top-hats and fiddlesticks
Where does peace come from?
That which keeps us alive in our form.
Like the merge of crossroads
Faith and the supernatural meet
There will be no burdens to tote
Only the presence or God to greet.
God Bless!
Friday, July 13, 2007
Footsteps in the Sand
This is a record breaker... This is the 3rd time i'm posting in the last 12hours (that doesn't even count as a day)!! =)
This ever-changing weather has finally taken its toll on me... I have DEFINITELY & INEVITABLY caught "THE" flu <>. In other words, i'm SICK la!! My head's throbbing like a train just ran over it BUT (yeah....there's a BUT) BUT, i can't sleep. Yes, you heard me right... i can't sleep. You can sing a thousand lullabys or make me count a gazillion sheep & i still wouldn't be able to sleep! It's like trying to shut down your freaking computer but it just gets STUCK; and no matter how many times you try, it just NEVER budges!
I guess i'm kind of emo right now... I've been trying to keep myself cheery and just when i think that i'm on the midst of succeeding, i fail. It's good to feel sad sometimes, to cry and let out all those pent-up feelings. After 2weeks, i shed tears AT LAST. I was too numb... too numb. At least, now i feel more human.
Pastor Steve kelly preached last Sunday about the power of our words and also about strengthening our FAITH. Faith is the foundation of a lasting relationship with God. It surpasses all humane worries and agitations. Having faith that God will straighten things out means that we put out trust wholly in Him knowing that He will carry us through. Just like the illustration of "Footsteps in the Sand".
FOOTSTEPS IN THE SAND
Having the knowledge that He will carry us through; is by itself a tremendous comfort when facing trying times. Therefore, words of complaints and whinings should not flow freely from our mouths for we have the assurance that things are in the Almighty's hands.
Therefore, i will continue to strive and face the trials of this world with faith that everything is going to be okay. With persistence, i will not complain. =)
Now, the GOOD NEWS:
It was a relieved to find out that i actually got a 'Conceded Pass' for my French. I don't think i wanna take my supplementary exam cuz i heard that only a limited number of units are allowed for supplementary exam throughout my whole 4 years. So, yeah.... Not that sure though, will find out more. Oh... btw, the mark was 49!!! 49!!! SOOOO annoying!!! Arrrgghhhhh!!! -.-
I'll be having a long day tomorrow. So, i think i better go get some rest.
NItezzzz........
*plumped on bed*
zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzZZZZZZzzzzz.....
This ever-changing weather has finally taken its toll on me... I have DEFINITELY & INEVITABLY caught "THE" flu <>. In other words, i'm SICK la!! My head's throbbing like a train just ran over it BUT (yeah....there's a BUT) BUT, i can't sleep. Yes, you heard me right... i can't sleep. You can sing a thousand lullabys or make me count a gazillion sheep & i still wouldn't be able to sleep! It's like trying to shut down your freaking computer but it just gets STUCK; and no matter how many times you try, it just NEVER budges!
I guess i'm kind of emo right now... I've been trying to keep myself cheery and just when i think that i'm on the midst of succeeding, i fail. It's good to feel sad sometimes, to cry and let out all those pent-up feelings. After 2weeks, i shed tears AT LAST. I was too numb... too numb. At least, now i feel more human.
Pastor Steve kelly preached last Sunday about the power of our words and also about strengthening our FAITH. Faith is the foundation of a lasting relationship with God. It surpasses all humane worries and agitations. Having faith that God will straighten things out means that we put out trust wholly in Him knowing that He will carry us through. Just like the illustration of "Footsteps in the Sand".
FOOTSTEPS IN THE SAND
One night a man had a dream.
He dreamed he was walking along
the beach with the Lord.
Across the dark sky flashed scenes from his life.
For each scene, he noticed
two sets of footprints in the sand,
one beloning to him and the other to the Lord.
When the last scene of his life flashed before him,
he looked back at the footprints in the sand.
He noticed that many times along the path of his life
there was only one set of footprints.
He also noticed that it happened at the
very lowest and saddest times in his life.
This bothered him and he questioned the Lord about it.
"Lord, you said that once I decided to follow you,
you'd walk with me all the way.
But I have noticed that during the most
troublesome times in my life there is
only one set of footprints.
I don't understand why when I needed you most
you would leave me."
The Lord replied "My precious, precious child,
I love you and would never leave you.
During your times of trial and suffereing,
when you see only one set of footprints in the sand,
it was then that I carried you." Unknown Author
Therefore, i will continue to strive and face the trials of this world with faith that everything is going to be okay. With persistence, i will not complain. =)
Now, the GOOD NEWS:
It was a relieved to find out that i actually got a 'Conceded Pass' for my French. I don't think i wanna take my supplementary exam cuz i heard that only a limited number of units are allowed for supplementary exam throughout my whole 4 years. So, yeah.... Not that sure though, will find out more. Oh... btw, the mark was 49!!! 49!!! SOOOO annoying!!! Arrrgghhhhh!!! -.-
I'll be having a long day tomorrow. So, i think i better go get some rest.
NItezzzz........
*plumped on bed*
zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzZZZZZZzzzzz.....
Thursday, July 12, 2007
HATRED
Many of us can comprehend hatred in all it's intricacies. I, for one can never understand how it would be like to hate someone. Dislikes, i have but not hate.
HATE is too powerful a word. To say that we hate someone, would mean that we want to see the latter dead no matter what the circumstance (some may have different definitions...)
Every word uttered out of our mouth counts...
Every phrase we speak mean more than what we meant it to mean...
Every syllable holds power, though unseen...
As the saying, "a picture paints a thousand words".... so do words paint a thousand emotions.
For words can kill..
Not literally BUT indirectly..
It kills our very inner being..
And slashes those of others'..
So, we have to be careful with what we say and not take "hatred" as an unimportant feeling. Even if we do hate, let us not utter a word lest hurt anyone. Instead, let us seal our lips and cleanse our minds from it.
Wrote this poem long ago. Hope it means something to you people out there.
I HATE YOU
The line is heard all the time;
Not to be exchanged for a single dime.
It’s priceless,
though it seems meaningless.
But the story falls back;
Into the eternal night,
where nothing seems to be bright.
Nothing,
in that night-filled line.
“ I hate you”
That’s what we often hear,
like bells singing full of fury and fear.
Sourcing from the pit of darkness;
hidden from sight,
In the deepest core of a breathing creature;
Those that rule the beautiful pastures,
Handmade by the Maker of the Universe.
Though when it is sounded;
Just seems like a violin playing solo.
Without authority,
Without effect.
But there is a place,
Where the heart is drowning,
in that loud and eerie sound,
of a grand musical orchestra,
far, far away…
Till it is found again;
It'll be trapped,
in a land of feelings.
filling the place,
with bitterness.
with debilitating happiness.
Where sorrow and anger,
starts to sprout,
from a seed once sown.
When u never had a clue;
And said "I hate you".
The line is heard all the time;
Not to be exchanged for a single dime.
It’s priceless,
though it seems meaningless.
But the story falls back;
Into the eternal night,
where nothing seems to be bright.
Nothing,
in that night-filled line.
“ I hate you”
That’s what we often hear,
like bells singing full of fury and fear.
Sourcing from the pit of darkness;
hidden from sight,
In the deepest core of a breathing creature;
Those that rule the beautiful pastures,
Handmade by the Maker of the Universe.
Though when it is sounded;
Just seems like a violin playing solo.
Without authority,
Without effect.
But there is a place,
Where the heart is drowning,
in that loud and eerie sound,
of a grand musical orchestra,
far, far away…
Till it is found again;
It'll be trapped,
in a land of feelings.
filling the place,
with bitterness.
with debilitating happiness.
Where sorrow and anger,
starts to sprout,
from a seed once sown.
When u never had a clue;
And said "I hate you".
Be encouraged.. =)
Cheers!
Friday, July 06, 2007
A Plastic Bag of SUFFOCATION
SUFFOCATING
"Multitudes of cascading droplets crashing down on me,
As if heaven pours spear after spear,
Of trials that pierce deep;
Sharpened blades incising my heart.
My breath is short, my head is spinning;
Could this be happening?
Is this not a dream?"
As if heaven pours spear after spear,
Of trials that pierce deep;
Sharpened blades incising my heart.
My breath is short, my head is spinning;
Could this be happening?
Is this not a dream?"
Wrote "Suffocating" in 5minutes...Believe it or not, that's how long i took. I guess it must have really poured out from deep within. This shows the extent of my suffocation.
(rest is P & C)
I LOVE YOU, DAD.
So... yeah.... All these things combine to make an ultimate PLASTIC BAG; which covers my head and SUFFOCATES me.
God is good and faithful.
He NEVER forsook me, is NOT forsaking me & will NOT forsake me.
This verse seems so real and relevant in times like these.
["Cast your anxieties on Him for He cares for you..."] ~1 Peter 5: 7~
SPEARS OF TRIALS:
- I lost both my grand-auntie and Uncle in the span of 1 & a half months.
- A special friend left.
- Casual chat with Dad.
(rest is P & C)
I LOVE YOU, DAD.
- Kinda failed FRENCH.
So... yeah.... All these things combine to make an ultimate PLASTIC BAG; which covers my head and SUFFOCATES me.
I know things will be alright in the end;
But where is the end?
For now, i do not see the end;
I just see the horizon of a never-ending ocean.
As round as the earth ,
These trials run in a circle;
Having no fixed end point,
Having no END.
But where is the end?
For now, i do not see the end;
I just see the horizon of a never-ending ocean.
As round as the earth ,
These trials run in a circle;
Having no fixed end point,
Having no END.
God is good and faithful.
He NEVER forsook me, is NOT forsaking me & will NOT forsake me.
This verse seems so real and relevant in times like these.
["Cast your anxieties on Him for He cares for you..."] ~1 Peter 5: 7~
Thursday, July 05, 2007
-DEATH-
DEATH
What does this word mean to you?
What is it's very essence?
Why does it happen...most of the time, unfairly?
MY ANSWER TO THAT...
I'm not so sure myself.
I've experienced 2 deaths in 1 and a half months.
My grand-auntie passed away early June.
A few days ago, her son (my uncle) passed away due to cancer.
My deepest condolences to his family.
I was flabbergasted!! Shocked!! I have no words to describe how speechless i was... OK, i was SPEECHLESS (full-stop).
I met Uncle David and his wife, Auntie Pauline soon after my arrival. I didn't know them before that..I think i posted up something about them where i spent my first Chinese New Year abroad with them.They're great people and sometimes we ask, " Why does DEATH pull great and awesome people down...?"
I guess we'll never find an answer to that cause DEATH by itself is unfathomable.
Let alone it's reason behind pulling lives apart.
Only GOD knows.
We'll know when we encounter DEATH face to face.
I feel utterly GUILTY.
I didn't call my uncle to check and say hi and all.
And now.. i'll NEVER have a chance to ever again.
I feel HORRIBLE.
I guess i'll just leave this post at this.
What is it's very essence?
Why does it happen...most of the time, unfairly?
MY ANSWER TO THAT...
I'm not so sure myself.
I've experienced 2 deaths in 1 and a half months.
My grand-auntie passed away early June.
A few days ago, her son (my uncle) passed away due to cancer.
My deepest condolences to his family.
I was flabbergasted!! Shocked!! I have no words to describe how speechless i was... OK, i was SPEECHLESS (full-stop).
I met Uncle David and his wife, Auntie Pauline soon after my arrival. I didn't know them before that..I think i posted up something about them where i spent my first Chinese New Year abroad with them.They're great people and sometimes we ask, " Why does DEATH pull great and awesome people down...?"
I guess we'll never find an answer to that cause DEATH by itself is unfathomable.
Let alone it's reason behind pulling lives apart.
Only GOD knows.
We'll know when we encounter DEATH face to face.
I feel utterly GUILTY.
I didn't call my uncle to check and say hi and all.
And now.. i'll NEVER have a chance to ever again.
I feel HORRIBLE.
I guess i'll just leave this post at this.
MY DEEPEST CONDOLENCES TO THE BELOVED FAMILY OF UNCLE DAVID GOH.
Monday, February 12, 2007
Why don't people appreciate their lives?
Hey people..! Actually, i just goe back from dinner with some OCFers (Overseas Christian Fellowship) and they're great! =) Dinner was great as well.. we made sushi n had Shelly's home-made BROWNIES!! It was yummy-licious.. Realised that brownies were in BLOCK letter? haha..you girls should know what i mean. There's nothing more yummier than choc after a choc-draught....(that's what i've been going through... a choc draught! lol)=)
Today something really scary happened lor... I went to Coles (it's like this Australian Tesco), was lining up in the "express-less than 12items queue" and then suddenly, this woman in front of me started shouting!! And fould-scolding the cashier for NO REASON. She looked like an aboriginal but i'm not sure la.. With her were 2small toddlers (her children). It was so scary.. she was practically screaming. Everyone were stunned to silence at that point of time. 2 security guards came n escorted her out of the entrance. It was only when she exited was everyone relieved and back to the things they were doing. She was spitting all the way to the entrance and her son was going like.." Mommy, please stop...please stop" (while pulling her hands). It was so scary YET so saddening. I really feel for her children...My heart went out to them. I felt so horrible that nothing could be done for her children. It was later on when i told the OCFers that i realised she might have been on drugs. I pity her children.....*SIGH*...I really hope that they'll be okay...(-.-)
hmm.... oh yeah! I went to Glenelg beach last Saturday with Genieve. It's one of the most popular and comercialised beach in Adelaide. We had oysters... and they were NICE!!So fresh... They actually cultivate/grow oysters over there. There's also a musuem and a shark shop. Lot's of other shops along Glenelg Road too. We took a tramp there n back. The pics are all at my multiply. You know the drill.. lol.. (www.etlove4eva.multiply.com)
I MISS DANCINGGG!!!!!! *sigh* Sometimes, i feel that i will NEVER reach my dream n goals in dancing. I checked out the studios n everything already but it is expensive. I'm still in the midst of getting my working visa and Tax File Number. I'm hoping to work. So, my dancing has to wait till then i guess. Adelaide City Council is offering free salsa classes BUT they are on Friday nights... n that's when Paradise has Life Groups and OCF has their meeting...=(
I'm taking French, Anthropology n Human Bio as electives. So, hopefully.. can "kau" a frech guy! *winks*.. haha! I AM soooo dreaming!!!=) hmm... Genieve had a bet with me.. She said that i'll definitely get a boyfriend within this 6months. But i don't think so... -.- I really don't lor... haha.. But we'll see how God leads. =)
Klar.... I am gonna sign off now....byeee n take care!!!
P/s: Colourful huh? Got tired of choosing colours so.. all campur-campur.. lol=)
Today something really scary happened lor... I went to Coles (it's like this Australian Tesco), was lining up in the "express-less than 12items queue" and then suddenly, this woman in front of me started shouting!! And fould-scolding the cashier for NO REASON. She looked like an aboriginal but i'm not sure la.. With her were 2small toddlers (her children). It was so scary.. she was practically screaming. Everyone were stunned to silence at that point of time. 2 security guards came n escorted her out of the entrance. It was only when she exited was everyone relieved and back to the things they were doing. She was spitting all the way to the entrance and her son was going like.." Mommy, please stop...please stop" (while pulling her hands). It was so scary YET so saddening. I really feel for her children...My heart went out to them. I felt so horrible that nothing could be done for her children. It was later on when i told the OCFers that i realised she might have been on drugs. I pity her children.....*SIGH*...I really hope that they'll be okay...(-.-)
hmm.... oh yeah! I went to Glenelg beach last Saturday with Genieve. It's one of the most popular and comercialised beach in Adelaide. We had oysters... and they were NICE!!So fresh... They actually cultivate/grow oysters over there. There's also a musuem and a shark shop. Lot's of other shops along Glenelg Road too. We took a tramp there n back. The pics are all at my multiply. You know the drill.. lol.. (www.etlove4eva.multiply.com)
I MISS DANCINGGG!!!!!! *sigh* Sometimes, i feel that i will NEVER reach my dream n goals in dancing. I checked out the studios n everything already but it is expensive. I'm still in the midst of getting my working visa and Tax File Number. I'm hoping to work. So, my dancing has to wait till then i guess. Adelaide City Council is offering free salsa classes BUT they are on Friday nights... n that's when Paradise has Life Groups and OCF has their meeting...=(
I'm taking French, Anthropology n Human Bio as electives. So, hopefully.. can "kau" a frech guy! *winks*.. haha! I AM soooo dreaming!!!=) hmm... Genieve had a bet with me.. She said that i'll definitely get a boyfriend within this 6months. But i don't think so... -.- I really don't lor... haha.. But we'll see how God leads. =)
Klar.... I am gonna sign off now....byeee n take care!!!
P/s: Colourful huh? Got tired of choosing colours so.. all campur-campur.. lol=)
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