~..Essence Of Life..~

Dear World

2010-06-09T17:27:00.003+08:00

DEAR WORLD,

I have been in a disappearing act for the past (i don't know how many) months ey?
Looks like I'm backk/... "for now" =)

And then off I am again to some distant land of no return... who knows, i may even find my way back here again..

Life has be hectic as usual. When has it been otherwise? Maybe back in my first year of uni where everything was easy and taken care of. Financial blessings from parents and worries of maintaining a half full bank account never existed. Alas, that's why adults always say... enjoy while you can because life as a student is hardly life at all!

Does that mean I am an adult now?? NOOOOOOOooooo!!
I guess most times, one would pride oneself in being a mature being in thinking and perspectives but priding oneself in one's physical age??? *yelp*
The thought of it just leaves a bitter sting in my throat...

It was just a moment ago I remember saying..
"I wish I was 21. Then freedom is mine~!!"

Ironically (I'm sure most adults go.. tsk tsk),
I somehow wished I could be back in highschool.
With sports practices to go to.
Talks to skip and McDonalds in the middle of schooltime.
When the biggest worry was just...
"I hope that teacher won't spot me eating potato chips from under my desk!"

I guess time does fly.. And looking at people's facebooks accounts, it just dawned on me how different people are to who they used to be, how much they've grown and matured and developed..

Time doesn't wait does it?
I wish upon a wishing star..
I guess I won't be as luckly as Pinocchio.
We can't turn back time nor can we chase it.
I guess the best we can do is keep up with it.

Make the best of it...
That is what I intend to do.
I want to look back and be proud of who I'd become not regret at who I was.
So, time to get back to life and try to the hardest!

And count every blessing we have!

Xoxo,
Esther

Exhaustion + Puke = Snore

2010-01-21T23:01:00.002+08:00

I am soooooo exhausted..

It's been such a long day..

I need to go to the gym..

And read a book...

And learn a language...

but it's just impossible to squeeze it into my tight schedule...

Worked 12-3, 6-10. Slept at 4 am the night before.

I need TIMMMEEEEEEE!!!

Oh, i ate soo much after work that i couldn't even breathe...

I HAD to stick my finger down my throat to puke...

Thanks to Chris' toilet... I feel relieved...

AHHH.... now, i can go to bed in peace... lol

Night everyone *yawn*

Sweet dreams!

Chasing Time

2010-01-21T13:12:00.007+08:00

It's been a hectic week but I'm glad all the crucial matter that needed attention were managed just perfectly! Documents, photocopies of passport, family health cover, form and forms and forms and the list goes on...

Anyway, the change in education that I was going on about in my last post is all settled now. I was in the midst of accepting the offer letter to do the Masters of Mediation and Conflict Resolution. Now that I have, I can openly say that I'll be doing that for 1.5 years starting Feb 2010. That brings me to the issue of my Bachelor of Pyschological Science graduation. I just can't believe how time flies... three years have passed but it feels like first year uni just started.

It's amazing how a chapter of my life has ended and being so unaware of this, reality checks just scares me! Then the question of what I have achieved in this 3 years.. I'm not proud of what I have achieved in this 3 years. So much more could be done and thus I am promising myself to achieve these things that I set out to do in the past years that have not yet come to pass.

I was never a sucker for New Year's Resolutions but 2010 will be a memorable year filled with extra efforts and extra hard work which "hopefully" yield extra fruits and achievements. A decade over millenium... hmm.. it seems like y2k just happened yesterday.

Oh well... I guess that's how time works.

Time NEVER waits.

Time works on CLOCKWORK where the next move is predictable, routine.

Like the hands of the clock that move in one direction, Time does NOT reverse itself.

Hopefully, we don't live our lives like CLOCKWORK where all is planned like how 1 comes after 12.

But still keeping in mind that life is ticking away and we should do the best we can with it.

I'm turning 23 this year.

Although it's in December 2010. It's still an increase in the second digit.

How old are you?

HAPPY NEW YEAR!

2010-01-19T00:51:00.003+08:00

Hello people! I'm back once again.. However, I doubt anyone's reading this site anymore.
Nevertheless... I shall discipline myself to update this for my own good. As in train myself to be consistent in doing something although it doesn't yield immediate or even useful visible fruits...

HAPPY NEW YEAR!

HOPEFULLY YEAR 2010 WILL BE ONE THAT IS EXCITING AND MEANINGFUL!

Personally, I started of this year very pessimistically due to various uncertainties in the area of family, education, love and other main areas in life. However, things have started to unfold slowly but surely. I'm still in the midst of managing certain changes in my life especially in the area of education...(which i shall update you about in the later posts). I guess the saying "time will tell" does reveal things which may be easily welcomed or disappointing even.

I just watched 'The Notebook" based on the romance novel by Nicholas Sparks on again. It just reminded me of all the uncertainties in life and choices that we are often forced to make at certain points in our lives which directly influences and determines what happens subsequently in this journey we call life. Some decisions we may be proud of, some we may not... But ultimately, it is about looking toward what the future holds instead of looking back and wondering why decisions were made the way they were.

Re-reading my previous posts just highlighted the fact that every decision I ever made had reasons behind it.. And whatever happens after that happens. All we can do is try to solve problems with other decisions based on reasoning at present. In other words, don't look back.

It's almost 4am now and i got to get up early tomorrow...
Looking forward to post something tomorrow...
GNight!

Fairy Tales & Happy Endings?

2009-08-24T20:55:00.005+08:00

You know how you earn big bucks in monopoly? Well, i wish those ink-printed paper- rainbow coloured money were real! That way, all you need is to move your little metal statue, buy some property and collect big bucks!

Okok.. i'm getting off track. Into a world of fantasies. Talking about fantasies.. the lyrics of "Big Girls DOn't Cry" by Fergie "fairytales don't always have a happy ending do they?" It seems more like a statement than a question.

I guess even if fairy tales don't have happy endings, one could always try to narrate the story according to what is wanted out of it. So what if Snow White wasn't awakened by True Love's First Kiss? One could always rewind one of Disney's first amazing production and change the details to Snow White being awakened by the "dwarfs' heartfelt and sorrowful tears" which splattered on her beautiful porcelain face... That way, she wakes up and it becomes a happy ending.

So, what the ending entails would most definitely be what one makes of it, not what one accepts it for. If "anything goes", Snow White without her Prince would definiely lie in the glass coffin till she withers away in age.

You are entitled to your own happy ending.

Write your own story, Walk the line to happiness.

LIFE- A game?

2009-08-21T01:46:00.004+08:00

It's been AGES since i last updated but somehow i feel like updating today. I shall not even attempt to make any resolutions regarding the updating of this blog. It's quite obvious that the range of dates of previous posts show how "successful" at keeping this blog breathing and ventilating with input = inhalation and output = exhalation. Ok... not gonna scientific now...

Was talking to a friend; just today about how life can be likened to a poker game. How some are dealt with good hands and others are not, just is in itself an uncontrollable circumstance. Whatever talents, skills and beneficial personal traits you possess represent the cards that you have in your hand. Now, the cards you have definately affect what outcome you would receive at the end of the gam; in other words, whether you will win or lose. But then what are poker professionals for then if this game is based merely on luck which reflects itself on cards dealt? There is more to the game, you can still win without a great set of cards.

Two ways to it:

(1) You can match the blinds and wait for the flop, the turn and subsequently the river whereby anywhere along the way you can fold (give up). At least, you tried to push for it.

(2) You can bluff and lead the other players to think that you have great cards surpassing theirs and only done when you're sure that no one else has better ones. This causes everyone else to fold.

See, i'm no expert in this games and i may miss out certain parts of it.. but the main factors are considered here. Point 1 can be likened to how we strive in our lives with the little that we have to make ourselves better in certain areas we lack in. Some succeed but some fail. Should failure be dismissed because one tried, at the very least? It is only fair to say yes

Point 2, some can bluff their way through life, fooling everyone with the mask that they put up. But somehow with their masks in place, personality deviced and actions crafted.. is there happiness, or value in that claustrophobic atmosphere? In poker, u raise high, everyone folds, you win.. but small amounts. Small is the gain of fools, but honesty is abundantly rewarded. The truth is everyone wants to win and no matter how small the gain and how big the risk of losing is. For example, if you raise big; there's a chance of someone having something better and you lose it all for nothing.

We can have split identities or personal identities that we may not show to other people and masks that we wear. But none can hide the fact of what our cards are. One thing we need to remember is WHO deals our cards? Many times we forget... HE deals it and he has plans for all of us, he dealt us whatever we have on purpose knowing that it is GOOD for us. All we have to do is accept what we've received and to use it wisely... to wait or to fold. Preferably not a bluff. Like my friend said.. Sometimes, winning is not all there is, it's winning big. Therefore, we should focus less on wining over things in this life but instead focus on winning the biggest prize, the eternal life obtained through Christ Jesus.

Yet again, we are humans and have our frailties. We are greedy creatures that want more, even if it means probabily of little gain for increased investment/ risk.

Be constantly reminded. HE is the dealer, HE loves you and WIN the jackpot not anything less!

P/s: Someone sent me this quote once and i think it's really reflective...

"Don't let the wave of life get you or someday you will wake up and find yourself in a strange place. Take a break, think and analyze every step you have made and in which direction you are goin".

I, for one should be reminded.

Hope this helps you too.

Not that anyone reads this but yeah... whoever u are out there =)

The End Point

2009-02-06T09:56:00.004+08:00

Hello.. Yes, I'm back.

The sun so scorching hot and sometimes I really wish I had a wishing star I could wish on the make the earth rotate faster so that summer can pass but then...I'll be missing out a major part of life. Summer being the peak of outdoor activities and such..

Anyway, don't you ever wonder what life is about.
The routines you go through everyday, the neverending cycle of ingestion - digestion - egestion, sleep, work, play (and it goes on). I mean, the list can go on but it'll definitely stop and then we're stuck with those things. So what is life about, to YOU?

Many people find meaning in a lot of different things but in the end of the day, do these things satisfy the need for a sense of purpose or at least a goal point or end point in life? An end point which you can actually look at and think hey... So, this is what's gonna happen to me. I won't be floating about at the end of my life waiting for the "ghost whisperer" to carry out my unrealised motives which traps me in this earth OR reincarnated into another form of life depending on what I did right and wrong in this life. I was thinking that if i were to be in that position, I would at least want to know what I'd become in my next life... Knowing what I'd become, I can actually see an END POINT. You know what i mean?

But anyway, this is just a general discussion on what your think your end point will be? And would everything you do, search for and accumulate right now or in the next few years be of any light to your END POINT... Ponder guys.

I've been thinking... It's always great to reflect. =)

Take care!

A Deliberate Empty Post

2009-02-04T13:02:00.002+08:00

Hello hello hello hello....... (echo)

Yes, as the title says... this IS a deliberate empty post.
Cause I really don't know what to blog about but I have to preserve this blog and make blogging a habit eventhough I have nothing to write about.. cause as some of you know, I have a tendency to just vanish and forget this site actually exists!

Ok, been back in Adelaide a few days now..
Everything's been great except the weather. Nevertheless, I'll try to enjoy it knowing that the sun won't be out for a long 3 months plus in winter.

So, just popping by to say HI and BYE!
Gotta run.. still don't have my internet.
I hope we get it soon *fingers crossed*..

~Ta~

12 HOURS TO ADELAIDE

2009-01-29T22:15:00.001+08:00

Yes... 12 hours to take off..
Time to pack...
I HATE and DESPISE packing...
Goodnightt..

A Tribute to Jessie Goh

2009-01-29T21:52:00.005+08:00

Dear Jessica Goh Kai Yee,

(See I remember ur full name... yay!!)
Ok, getting pretty lame here but... Just to let you know, I miss you too!!

AND I owe it to you to meet you sooonnnnn.. though, I'm not particularly sure when but i'm sure we'll meet. Really wanna know what's happening with you and all the relationship complications and also to update each other on life and all.

So, if you're reading this... I'm always here if you need to talk k? Just give me a call (I'm on 3 network) OR just email me... You take care and have all the fun you can have over there in KL. I'm sure Amir never fails to amaze you with his clowning and how's Howard the monk? Is he really one now...?? hehe!

Thanks Jessie for being a great friend...
And in return, I'm gonna paste up those pics we took in Melbourne last year...lol

Jessie, Me, Leocock

STUFFED!

Miss Gorgeous =)

Big hugs and millions of kisses XOXOXO!

Sincerely,
Esther

Perth + Boredom = Cam-whoring

2009-01-28T14:42:00.009+08:00

Hello again!
This is my futile attempt in raising my blog to life AGAIN...
Yes, i know... i'm a hopeless blogger but i should.
An excuse... I didn't have the internet for a month now..

Some of you know i've been in Perth since end of December and THANK HEAVENS i'm going back to Adelaide this friday!

It's not that Perth is all that bad compared to Adelaide. I mean, to be honest and fair... I personally think Perth is way larger and metropolitan than Adelaide in every aspect.
Every suburb is a tiny town in itself and has it's own town council unlike Adelaide when you go.. "where you goin/ what you doin tomorrow?"

Answer:" I'm going to the city!!"
Which obviously means the austere Rundle Mall/ Rundle Street etc.
But in a way, Adelaide seems like home you know.. Mostly cause it's been two years there in that spot, no matter how dreary, quiet and boring it can get, it seems to scream " home" in a way, at least in Australia! In no way comparable to Malaysia of course!
And also maybe the friends and acquaintances..

So, Perth has been pretty boring, no internet etc.. So, we CAM-WHORED. Well, not always but sometimes when we go out.

PERTH CITY

YES, I was boreddd

Pretty Cool huh?

Yes, I even tried taking my dining hall light.. =S

Eunice & 1

Evelyn & I

Eunice

Poser

Three of us

This might probably be the most drop-dead-top-rated-boring post but i thought just let know what i've been doing here.... which is mostly cam whoring.. hehe.

Ansac day was pretty.. we went to sit by the river with hundreds of other people to witness the 45 minutes showcase of expensive fireworks. They were bautiful.. Too bad i didn't have a good camera with me.. ( which i vow to get when i'm abck in Adelaide). One needs to have one to capture nice and memorable moments you know.. okok..

Hear from me soon! bah! =)

27 Dresses

2008-12-07T22:17:00.004+08:00

Hey hey....

It's been awhile..
Anyway, just rewatched the movie ,"27 dresses" and i am completely charmed by James Marsden.

Omg... I just realized he is so so so......*bliss*
Considering that the first time i watched that movie was on a corrupted file, not realizing his "good-looking-ness" during the first time round was not such a bad thing ey? lol!

Okok...enough of this. I vowed not to do this on my blog. But i can't help it. He is TOO....*sigh* I have to tell someone!! I even looked for a picture to post up..
I'm such a goner...
Just excuse me for this one post... haha!

ok... signing off now!

BAH!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY EUNICE!!

2008-12-04T02:31:00.002+08:00

HAPPY BIRTHDAY EUNICE TAN HUI AI!
Yesss.... now the whole world knows your full name!
Not like many ppl read my blog but yea...
You've been a great sister and amazing friend..
It would have been horrible without being able to chit chat back in those years..
Keep being who you are and continue blessing others around you..
You've certainly been a blessing to me!
God Bless!

Hair Gone Wrong

2008-12-03T21:17:00.009+08:00

Get yourself ready for the shock of your life....
Well, at least... that was how I felt while i held my breath as the hairdresser took the rollers out of my hair. After anxiously waiting for an hour and a half while reading "The Hundred Secret Senses" by Amy Tan, I was just agitated.
You know how it feels not knowing how the outcome would be..?? ya..
(Yes, Eunice.. that book is not all that bad..) =)

Anyway, back to HAIR.

Omg... it is a disasterrrr!!!!
How come I'm never satisfied with my haircuts....??
It never turns out the way i expect it to.. instead the total opposite does!
Please tell me most of you do feel that way most of the time too..
Either that or it's just ME!!!

Anyway, here goes...

BEFORE

AFTER

Tada!!! Yes, Yes, Yes..... horrible!!

The curls look like those that stay at home AUNTIE/ MOMS have (no offense) and this style is quite LA-LA a.k.a. "SEE-HAM" ok!
I wanted something similar to my previous hair..just more accentuated locks/ curls if you know what i mean...

*sigh* what to do? I just have to live with it for the next few months...

-helpless-

Stupid nose

2008-12-03T01:24:00.001+08:00

STUPID NOSE, COME BACK TO ME...

WHY DO YOU KEEP ON RUNNING...

STOP, STOP, STOP!!!!!!!!!

Nothing

2008-12-02T00:01:00.002+08:00

Just decided to enter a post today since i've been missing...
My desperate effort to not let it die again..

I'm tired and sleepy and my nose can't stop running.... It's just so annoying!

Maple story level 13! (my gosh, can't believe i even started)

Jessie's coming back on the 3rddd!!! Can't wait to so you madam vet! Have a safe flight!

Welcome back Pei Nee from Penang.. See you this weekend!

I need to bathe now...
My sweat has evaporated and crystallized into minuscule beads of compounds which makes me feel real sticky and icky. Nothing a good shower can't fix!

Signing off now~
*yawn*

Arrgghhhh...

2008-11-29T23:51:00.003+08:00

I am procrastinating again.
I'd rather blog than go down and do it.
They're such dreadful techniques.
The pain and agony.
But results are great.
Therefore, perseverance is the key.
For firm abdominals,
Hold on a guys.
I'll work on you soon.

SIT UPS & CRUNCHES, how i dread YOU.

My Calf Hurts

2008-11-29T12:48:00.007+08:00

The latter of course though I wish I had the first one. They're just too cute!
Okok... I'm getting pretty lame posting up such pictures and all...
Just thought my blog needed some pictures to light it up a bit.
Too many words may seem boring. lol!

See the red muscles shown in the diagram??
Mine hurts like mad since 2 days ago..
Cuz of excessive skipping after a long break from it..
Plus yesterday's dancing... it hurts worse.
I have hip hop class in1 hour and a half and I'm so tempted to not go..
HOW?? *sighs*

I guess I should go because I've already paid for this month's fees and it would be a waste of money not going.
So I'm GOING.
I just realized I came here to reason with myself . Gosh...-.-
Sorry you had to read this/// loL!
Have a great day people!

.

In My Shoes for Today

2008-11-29T04:30:00.005+08:00

I know it's freaking late... Decided to come online to do the usual "check up" on emails, facebook and others..

Anyway, got back from the social dancing thingie Darryl took me to a few hours ago..
Having mamak in the wee hours of the morning chatting feels good.
Catching up and feeling Malaysian all over again..
The oiliness and dirtiness of Malaysia's food stalls are just the things we need to feel Malaysian!
And mamak is number ONE... come on, ya'll gotta agree with me ey???
(JEAN FOO! Jealous notttt????haha... jkjk! XOXO)

The dance thing was real fun. I enjoyed myself. Thanks "HOT STUFF" for taking me there..lol! I'm sure you learnt as much as I did..

Got to learn lots of different basic steps for different dances.
I didn't know this Taiwanese 4 step rock and roll( i don't know what it's called) existed!
It's just so sad that 2 years of not dancing has erased my memory of what i've learnt in the past. I guess back to basics would be it from now on.

It's good to learn.. The feeling of learning something/ mastering something/ adding knowledge to oneself is something cherished by many.. if not, most people.. including myself.

okok.. Enough of me..=)
Oh ya, Leo Koh have a good flight back today.. Have fun back in Spore with your buds!

Birthdays

2008-11-26T13:47:00.006+08:00

I, for one never really gave much thought to birthdays... till recently that is.
Maybe cause I'm turning 21 soon.

It is a time to celebrate one's birth into this wondrous world (though some may not deem it all that fantastic).
I never really did celebrate my past birthdays. The last cake i could recall blowing was.. I don't know 6 years ago or more...??
The last time i went out for a birthday dinner was....5 years ago? (i can't remember)
The only thing i remember the most was last years'... I ate instant noodles while watching tele ALONE.

Yes... pathetic i know. =)

Why??
I guess it's partially because i never really took mine much seriously.
And also cause my birthday is always way back in the year when it's holiday time.
I remember thinking as a child, "I never get pressies cause it's so far way back in the year and most of the time presents come combined with Christmas ones" lol!

But growing older, we all know it's not a time of presents nor gifts. It's a time to share or celebrate our birth with people close to us, to celebrate relationships and friendships built during the course of our lives.
Therefore, stepping into the realm of 21 very very soon... I wonder, who am i to celebrate it with besides family? Who are my real friends?

Being away in Australia and back in Malaysia for summer, many things and circumstances have changed. Friends are dispersed at different ends of Malaysia; some even to the extent of other countries or continents. As Peyton in OTH puts it, "people leave".

So, I guess I'm just gonna let my 21st slip away just like that. Why celebrate myself when being celebrated is the reason celebrations exist?

omg.. this is such a pathetic post.
Must be the flu and fever.
taaaaa...

Tired & Happy

2008-11-22T00:25:00.009+08:00

Hey guys! (oh wait... no proclamation mark, very tired)..

BUT happy.... So (!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!) is allowed! =)

Been pretty productive today:
walked the dog, exercised and went for this latin fitness class thingie a.k.a. Latino Jam.
Yeah... I AM that desperate!
I LOVE eating (my pork chop-namer.. u know who you are) definitely supports that..
And i am on a mission... I will NOT give in! LOL
It is seriously a battle okay...

GLORIOUS FOOD & EATING vs. CONTROL & EXERCISE

I know I know.. it's pretty ironic. Malaysia the land of delicious and mama-mia food and i'm not eating like mad! This is the outcome of eating too much and being a snoring pig in Australia where it is so easy to put on!

Tomorrow's hip hop & Monday's latin... I can't wait!
Ok ok.. enough about myself!
Gonna log off now...
Just needed to write something... if not, this blog is gonna go into a comma again....

Putting yesterday's post aside, i just realized that the last post i entered was in December 2007 and i really can't believe how fast time has passed! It's been a year already!

We're now:

A year older
A year nearer to the regret for unrealized dreams
A year nearer to graduation
A year nearer to a family (optional.. haha! )
A year to children
A year to grandchildren
A year to death

Was just talking to a friend who's been going through a hard time.
And i know many of you out there may be going through a hard time; may it be studies, work, friendship, relationship, family, love, personality, housemates ..and the list goes on....
Do not give up and know that HE above all is always there for you.
1 Peter 5:7
" Cast all your anxiety on HIm for He cares for you"

He is faithful to the very end.
Ask and you shall be given, seek and you shall find, knock and the door will be opened...IF the He thinks it's best for you.

Therefore, don't give up.
He is here ALWAYS.
Was here, is still here and will always be here; next to us.
Past, Present & Future.

REVIVAL IS HERE!

2008-11-19T22:29:00.004+08:00

Yes Yes Yes... You heard right! This BLOG is revived once again....!!!
Hopefully it'll stay alive for longer than its other past life.

Being back in Malaysia for 3 days now, I couldn't help but ponder:
"How exactly do I view this country, one that i've been raised in and growing up in for the past 20 years of my life?"

Driving around the over-vehicle-populated town of Kajang, it felt familiar. The familiarity of being stuck in a traffic jam for almost an hour when the journey should only take 15 mins; circulating the town over and over and OVER again looking for ONE friggin legal parking spot felt so FAMILIAR.

Along with familiarity comes comfort. The comfort of being in a familiar place where life once gradually unfolded and yielded the revelation of character, hope, dreams, failures, fears so on and so forth.

So i guess the 2 words are FAMILIARITY and COMFORT.
However, it seemed foreign as well to a certain extent.

This is not much in relation to personal life matters but leaning more to the society and how different public treatments are. I was left flabbergasted at many instances. I wondered, "It hasn't changed THIS much in a year has it? It's impossible". But when i think this through thoroughly, it may have been just the adaptation of one to one's environment that may have crafted an expectation for other people to act certain ways, to have certain values to view things that are acceptable to one as acceptable in their eyes as well. In this case, me having an implicit expectation.

Well, probably things or people have not changed in this short duration of time instead I might have. My expectation as well maybe?

"We desire what we expect, experiencing the unexpected is undesirable. So are we wrong to expect or are people wrong to not be able to fulfill what we expect of them?"

I've found my answer. What's yours?

Suffering, Endurance & Hope

2007-12-19T23:49:00.001+08:00

I'm here... at last...?? Sorry Ee Lin, Alvin and whoever who's been here and not found anything since my last post. Speaking of which, my "to-do-list"...I didn't accomplish one item on the list, not letting my blog die. And YES it die-ded again!! I'm so not good at keeping resolutions but i'll do it this time... (hopefully??) lol!

Talking about hope, i came across this verse today while reading Romans.

Romans 5:1-5 (RSV)

Therefore, since we are justified by faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ. Through him we have obtained access to this grace in which we stand and we rejoice in our hope of sharing the glory of God. More than that, we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character and character produces hope, and hope does not disappoint us, because God's love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit which has been given to us.

The extract is really encouraging as well as enlightening...

Talking about hope... I think i wrote a poem on hope sometime ago last year in this blog..
But for your information..
More of my poems are posted on
http://www.8hop.com/profile.php?user=eternal-memories

kays... will update soon...

BACK TO LIFE!

2007-11-19T17:52:00.002+08:00

Hey people!!!

Sorry to you guys who came all the way here and ended up staring at the same things splashed on this page the last time you came over...
Jessie was right! my blog was DEAD and now... It's ALIVEEEE!!!!!!

Partly because i was in the exam preparation mode for the past one month... Not like i studied everyday but i guess because i haven't been studying AT ALL the whole of this semester. A girl has to catch up, doesn't she? *smiles innocently* LOL!

Anyway, you would have guessed that me posting this would mean exams are OVER!! And i pray so so so hard that i would not have to take a supplementary. This is the first time seriously studied for an exam and it turned out so bad... But it's all in God's hands. I'll just have to wait and see.

Let's see... what else...??

It's SUMMMMMMERRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!

Soooo HOT! But the sun feels good after those long months of winter... That is, IF it isn't scorching and laser-ing my skin into pieces.
So gonna enjoy my holidays before i fly back on the 8th..

Talking bout flying back.. I can't believe i'm saying this but, i think i miss MALAYSIA.
Was walking in a shopping mall today known as the "largest in Adelaide" but all i could think about was midvalley and wan U.. all the times we went to hang out and stuff..

My "to-do" & "to-go-to" list before i go home:

- picnic-ing in the Botanic Gardens
- borrow and read story books from the library
- finish "HOUSE"
- the beach: Glenelg/Henley
- finish composing a song
- watch a movie a day(on the comp)
- Harbor Town shopping with NO cash
- search for a place to move into next year
- spend precious time with friends
- cross my fingers and hope for good results
- not letting my blog DIE again...

so on, so forth.... etc. etc. etc.

Hmmm.... more updates soon! Ta~

unsubstantial substance

2007-10-01T18:07:00.000+08:00

Hi people!!

I'm back after almost A month of disappearance...
And i am officially ALMOST SICK..
Note the word ALMOST...lol
And i have an assignment to finish by this Friday and more the next and next next and next next next week... and EXAMS are in a MONTH!!!
I think i'm so bummed... arrggghhh.... DOOMED!!!

Ohkie... i'm not here to complain.
Sorry for the SUPER delayed update.

So many pics to upload but the internetis so freaking slow...

Klaz..... i know this post has no substance....
Really no mood to type now..
My head hurts and my body's aching and i need to submit the assignment which i have not started on yet on FRIDAY.

Whopppieeeee!!!!!!

Tcare people...
I'll be BACK!!
~tatazzzz~

Past, Present & Future

2007-09-12T10:26:00.000+08:00

I found this somewhere, wrote it down and just re-read it. It's put in such a nice way and there's truth in those words as well.

I asked God, "how do i get the best out of life?"

He answered, " never regret your pasts, handle the present with confidence, prepare for the future without fear."

Then He added, "Drop the fear, keep the faith. Don't believe your doubts and never doubt your beliefs."

It's so easy to read and understand those words but it's harder to apply it to our own lives, don't you think so?

But i think it's a really good illustration and way to actually bring ourselves to greater heights. Because regrets pull us down and keeps us in an underground dungeon of " i shouldn't have", "it would be so different if i just..." and "i should have done this instead of that".

It's hard to prepare for the future without fear. It's like trying to walk blindfold at the peak of a mountain oblivious to where all the ridges and edges are. One step might just kill. But i guess, without fear...we'd be able to open a door of possibilities. Then we would not have to regret "not knowing" or "not doing" something that we thought we should have done later on in the future.

I'm talking in circles and circles and circles againnnnn.. I'm ssssoooooo "cheong hei"..-.-

Anyways, just a train of thoughts..

Cheers~

LIES vs. TRUTHS

2007-09-07T23:28:00.000+08:00

It's 12.58am and i i have to get up at 7.00am which is about...6 hours away! I decided about 20minutes ago that i would go to bed early tonight cause i'm totally bummed out, zapped out, electricity-less...???? Whatever it is, i'm just SO exhausted.

What am i doing here?
~ I'll answer that... cause i cannot go to bed with this load hanging off my shoulders.

Is wasting my time writing crappy stuff over here even worth it?
~ I'll answer that again... YES. Where else can i let out my pent up feelings? I don't believe in jotting down EVERY single detail of my wondrous life on this page amongst the millions of websites. But, i do believe that it's a place to release some emotions, feelings, beliefs, thoughts etc. etc. etc.

And obviously, since i'm here eventhough my brain, eyes and head are killing me proves the existence of a multitude of turmoils going on within me...
I AM anything but.... HAPPY.

Came home happy..
Ate my burger happily..
Felt tired but contented..
Felt happy even though i'd only get a maximum of 6hours of sleep..
Till i witnessed something.

Yeah..... and don't even try to guess, cause you wouldn't be able to..
Whoever who knows me and happen to read this, just don't ask WHAT or WHY cause you would not get a single valid answer from me. It would mean the world to me if you just DO NOT ask. I know it's weird writing all these and then asking u guys not to ask but it's just a place to pour out my soul to myself.. If you get what i mean. Thanks dears... =)

Sometimes, i wonder if the world is filled with lies.
Does deception rule mankind?
Does deceit lurk at every corner?
Even in the very pastures where i put my utmost trust in?

Or..

Is it just my senses that are over-working?
The subconscious part of my mind reeling off unknowingly?

All i know is that,
Our surroundings are no more genuine..
I do not know what's real and what's fake..
What i believe is true might just bounce back at me and stun me right in the face..

But still,
I cannot say for sure..
Isn't a question a question till we get an answer?
I have not gotten my answer YET and i doubt i EVER will
For the world is the world
And the world is a place where some questions are left unanswered

And i'm still asking the questions:
Is it deception or is it genuine?
Are they lies or merely truths?

I can't say for sure and will never know for sure.

Still holding on His love and guidance for:

HIS LOVE NEVER FAILS.

----------------------------------THE END----------------------------------

Falling & Learning

2007-09-01T13:09:00.000+08:00

My nickname on MSN:

"Humans are Complicated - How much more do we have to fall to learn? If learning is learning, ONE fall would be enough. But it is never enough for us, is it? At least, not for ME."

I was doing a flashback on my life just a week ago and i realised that no matter how many times i fall and tell myself i'm never going to fall for the same issue EVER again, i WILL still fall somehow..on purpose or even, accidentally. It's just ironic how we (sorry if you aren't..) okay.... I, do that all over again eventhough i know what the outcome would be.

For instance, i pray... "Lord, thank you so much for helping me in my exams. I couldn't have done it without you. i'm going to be more hardworking and not do last minute studying anymore. Then, i do it AGAIN. Then, i thank God AGAIN" ...and then it goes ON and ON and ON... I really can't imagine the greatness of God's patience and tolerance... Who in the world can "tahan" a child like that??! hehe..
But still, my point is that, no matter how many times we tell ourselves that this is the LAST stupid thing we'll do, it never IS the last and never WILL be..

Sometimes, i think that falling in itself is the JOY of being who we are and it is definitely the JOY of life. I wouldn't want to know all the RIGHT things, do all the RIGHT things and not feel the JOY in falling, learning and falling again... If we do ALL the right things ALL of the time, what would we learn other than "This is right and anything other than that is wrong"..???

Without falling, we would never feel pain..the anguish of a slash across our hearts. Then, we would never know that.."Whow, a 'knife' can actually hurt me..". A "knife" could be anything...

Without falling, there wouldn't be a scar. We wouldn't even know that a scar would appear after the wound heals. A scar resembles something that we can look back at and say, "yeah...i remember this thing happening and when i look at it again, i'll remember not to repeat what i did.."

Without falling, we would never know how it feels like to heal. The painful and confusing process and the victorious battle against the WHYs.

Without falling, we would never be who we are at the moment. And not being who we are, it is just pointless in itself, isn't it?

So, my conclusion would be that "falling" in life's context is what contributes to the best of who we are right now. Personally, i think it's great to fall and learn because it helps me understand people more. It helps me to be able to say, "I've been in your shoes and i know how you feel". I've always believed that the little things you do might mean the world to others. The little things like listening or just by being there when one is going through trying times might mean a lot more than u can imagine.

So, all the "wrong" things i've done in the past which caused me to fall are things which taught me and i don't regret them. Like what some say, "Why regret when it's done? What is done is done. Regretting would just pull you into a whirlpool of confusion". I used to be someone who goes, "I shouldn't have done that...etc." But after i came over here to Adelaide, i believe that whatever is done is done and i have no regrets because...isn't learning a lifelong act? And doesn't learning come from falling? So, no matter how many times i fall, i would be eager to learn and through learning only can i earnestly understand the similar things that others go through.

I've always wanted to help but like my mom says, "You can't satisfy everyone in the world". And it IS true.. but falling and learning opens up wider doors to knowing how others feel in certain life situations.

I've been writing non-stop and if i shouldn't go on and on cause i might bore you.... that is, if there is a "YOU" reading this. hehe =) Hope this post actually relates to u guys..

~CHEERS~

TO SHELLEY

2007-08-29T14:01:00.000+08:00

TO: Shelley jie jie!!!

SORRRRRRRRYYYYYYYYYYYYY.... for keeping u waiting!! *sigh*

I did it again people!!! AGAIN!!!!!

I need discipline!!!!

DISAPPOINTMENT

2007-08-28T11:26:00.000+08:00

I am OFFICIALLY the piggiest pig EVER...

*sigh*

I was supposed to go for class...

Before i know it...

*KNOCK KNOCK* *KNOCK KNOCK*

*yawn~* stumbles out of bed and opened the door..

Patrick: hi!

Esther: Hi.....

Patrick: can i take the usb from u??

Esther: Yea... sure.. what time is it now??? *looks at clock* SHIT!!!! 11.40am???!!! (my tute is at 11) I'm so disappointed in myself..

Hence, the reason i'm sitting here blogging bout this....

disappointed and arrrrgghhh-ING..

Ta~

BU FASHION PARADE (Spring 07)

2007-08-28T00:41:00.000+08:00

HELLLLOOOOOOO!!!!!!

I'm back after such a long time..

Things i've been up to for the past one week:

(1) Psychology report preparation portfolio
(2) Linguistics group report
(3) Monday - Thursday night practises for BU.
(4) Human Biology Report (completed at 5am yesterday...by God's grace, it's completed!!!!)
(5) E night practises on Sunday

It's been really hectic for me and i really THANK GOD for sustaining me both physically and mentally. He's been so faithful. Despite the extreme lack of sleep and rest for the past one week, i'm still as healthy as usual.. as active..as blur.....(-.-) lol! It means Esther is still Esther and that's what matters. Don't wanna go bonkers in any way!

So, God's been good!

BU was good and i believe than some people were saved that night through Pas Jane's short sharing. The dance was fun! Anyway, some of the photos of BU Night (spring 07).

Michelle did my hair before BU because they said that there might not be enough hairstylists on that day. So, here's Michelle's work of art themed "italiano in 50s for tourist character".

Side view (i really liked it Mich.. thanks!)

My hair stylist(mich) and i.. *applause* lol!

Chanelle & i with our costumes....(i looked like a ripe tomato!) And then, when i arrived for make-up, they said there were enough hair-stylist..so, they restyled my hair.

Hannah & i (the old lady look is so cool!)

After BU, Patrick, Lin, Leonard & i took the bus home... at the bus stop....

Leo's & i

Ee lin , Me & Leo's hand..-.-

More pics to be up soon..! =)

E-Night is happening on this Thursday night! I'm SO excited and i'm praying and hoping that God would be able to move in all His splendour on that night. Hopefully there'll be no glitches and that everything will go on smoothly by God's grace.

If you don't have anything to do on this Thursday....

VENUE: Eclipse Room (Lvl 4, Hughes Building)
DATE: 30th August 07, THURSDAY
TIME: 6.30pm
THEME: The Choice

*refreshments and transport provided

So, do consider coming if you want to know more about what "THE CHOICE" is gonna be all about...

I'm SO tired... only slept 5hours yest cause of my BIO REPORT la!!! I really need to zzzzz....

Good NightzzzzzZZZZZZZZ...

Why PIGS can't wake each other up

2007-08-17T09:30:00.000+08:00

I'm so disappointed in myself....

MC & i are PIGS!! lol...

Esther: oh... late already... wake up wake up..!!

MC: okie okie...

Esther: i'm gonna sleep a bit more, wake me up k? we can't miss the bus.

MC: okie okie okie

After 25 minutes.....

Esther: Shiitttteeee!!!!! We missed the bus!!!

MC: Shittteeee!!!!

this convo repeated TWICE!! omgg.... we were both soooo disappointed in ourselves. Did my tute, then didn't go...
*sigh*

Oinking off~

MARY-AT-THE-VILLE

2007-08-16T23:43:00.000+08:00

THIS POST IS DEDICATED TO MY MOM

I was just telling Lin about this incident yesterday. I don't know whether it's just purely annoying or hilarious. It was SOOOOO annoying when it took place but now, when i look back.. it's HILARIOUS!!

My mom and i are just total opposites. It's amazing how different we are.

STORY

Once upon a time, i was talking on the phone with my mom. We don't call each other often so, it was the time to talk about recent happenings etc. etc. etc. My mom has applied for PR to come over to Aussie and bring my sisters and brother along with her. If this plan works out, they'll be here next year. My 2nd sister, Eunice applied for this High School named...., "MARYATVILLE HIGH SCHOOL". The conversation goes.....

Esther: So, has the Maryatville (pronounced MAR -YAT as in "ya") school accepted Eunice's application? Any news from them?

Mom: What MaryAAAT??!! It's Mar-yat-ville!!! As in mary-at-the-ville!!!

Esther: *smacks head* OMGG!!! Same la!!

Mom: no!! it's not.... it's Mary-at-the-ville, Mary-at-the-ville... you know, MARY AT the VILLE??!!

Esther: *sighhhhhsss* Mummy!!!! For once, can u NOT correct everything??? *bangs head on table sounding annoyed*

Mom: Cannot.

Esther: aiyoooooooo!!!!!!! Fine fine! MARY-AT-THE-VILLE, okayyy????

----------SILENCE----------

Esther: *giggles*

Mom: *giggles*

Esther: Aiyoooo.... yea, as i was saying..............

And it goes on...

--------------------------------END OF 1ST SCENE----------------------------------------

Another incident during the same phonecall...

Esther: bla...bla....bla... (saying some stuff)

Mom: bla..bla..bla... (some more stuff). okla... bye!

Esther: *cluelessly* HUH????!!!! okla... bye??!!!

Mom: nothing to say already then bye la....

Esther: *smacks head...AGAIN* omygosh! ohhhkiiieeeeee....... why like that one!!! *SIGH*

Mom: I'm hungry, wanna go buy "pau".

Esther: ohhhkieeeeee......fine....

the convo goes on.......

---------------------------------END OF 2ND SCENE--------------------------------------

I almost got slap marks all over my forehead OhkAY!! Kept on smacking myself...LOL! (nah..jz over-exaggerating) =)

What's with English teachers and correcting MARY-AT-THE-VILLES??I understand if one wants to correct major errors in pronunciations, grammars etc. BUT mary-at-the-villes?? i seriously DO NOT care if Mary is at the ville or at the farm or baking cake in the toilet..Anyways, it was hilarious!!!LOL! Maybe it's this "skill" teachers are trained to have... Used to it already though..lol

Thank my mom for correcting me all those years since i was little though... if she hadn't i wouldn't be speaking and writing the way i am today...

Thank you TEACHERS and LECTURERS out there. Just don't get too carried away with Mary or even Marion... okiessss??!! haha!!

P/s: Mummy if u read this, don't u think that phonecall was funny?!

Miss Gorgeous

2007-08-16T16:10:00.000+08:00

This post is a bit delayed.. lol.
Anyways, presenting the dumbest thing i've done this month!
2nd dumbest in Adelaide. The first being the locked out of library incident.. haha!
You can find that one under the label "Dum Dum Ness".

I bought this pair of boots for a fairly good price. I really think it's a pretty good price. Converted to M ringgit, would be....RM150. Plus, it looks gorgeous!

Well, what d'ya know!! Miss gorgeous turned out to hurt me soooo BAD!!!!

Miss Gorgeous

After church, leo(L) and i decided to go get some stuff and have lunch at Rundle mall. Quarter of the way, i couldn't take it anymore... they KILL!!! I'm used to wearing heels and all (people who know me, know that) But this one was just a nightmare....

I tried to TAHAN.... then, couldn't take it anymore... so, i took it off and walked barefoot all the way to rundle! Then, that stupish L took his shoes off as well!!I felt soo bad, man... So, 2 dungus walking barefoot... not exactly bare but.... you get what i mean! =)

My feet

L (*smacks head*)

We hunted for slippers that i could change into and in the end we bought this purple bedroom slipper. Under normal circumstances, i would NEVER in a million years get it but i have to admit.... it's pretty cute! HAHA!

Purpliee

Welcome to ESTHER'S DOMAIN OF DUM DUM NESS!!!

BU Fashion Parade

2007-08-15T19:17:00.000+08:00

This coming week is gonna be rehearsals rehearsals and REHEARSALS for..

This time round, we're gonna be doing a broadway-ish dance. With lotsa people on stage. It's gonna be fun! =)

The last BU, we did a jazz and contemporary piece. I was only involved in the Jazz.

Pics will be up.. hopefully... +)

~FRUST~

2007-08-15T11:38:00.000+08:00

I'm so pissed at myself!!!
I'm so dead for my Linguistics Assignment!!
I thank God for the change in dateline!!
I hope my group members would not be pissed with me!!
They have not replied my email..hopefully they will soon!!

Now, THAT looks like how i'm feeling now.... arrghh!!!!!!

Signing off~

Unrequited Effort

2007-08-14T22:50:00.000+08:00

My friend, Y is going through this small tiny time in his life which is not what we would consider pleasant. Looking at him i see myself and reflected are similar past experiences.

I dare say that we all go through this situation at some point of our lives.

A time where people whom you seek acceptance from; for example friends and peers, just fail you. They fail to see you for who you are. Instead, they judge you with the little they know. We sometimes ask, "why?"

Like there's no black and white in life, there's no wrong and right. At least, in this situation, there isn't.
Which party is at fault and which is not, we can never tell.

Unrequited Effort

Reality, he hits and startles me
My heart ponders with every beat it takes
How much have i to love to be loved in return?
Why is it that the mountains i lay down
Do not bring back even a shilling's worth?

The rumblings conquering my mind
They kill the speed of light
Tormenting me with chants
Of how much i have lost
Of the big part of my heart it has cost.

I wish I had not tried
I wish I had not pried
But wishing to reverse time
Is pointless in itself
Do the serpents soar as eagles do?

By trying, i yielded more pain
As adding salt to the wound
My attempts scraped me of my pride
Scarring my innermost feelings
A living being can only take as much.

This three-part sonata will be concluded
With an ignorant pause at the end
I will let go of this bitterness
However i will try no more
But dwell in golden silence.

Esther

Be strong and never doubt who you are just because someone thinks less of you than he or she ought to.

Be Encouraged! =)

Amazed

2007-08-11T11:29:00.000+08:00

Listening to Michael Buble..
Wind blowing through the window..
At long last, had sufficient sleep last night..
It was & IS still great..

I was on the bus the other day and i saw this African-American. Then it struck me.. how POWERFUL God is. His ability to create us all with different skin tones, different hair quality, different features (and the list goes on).. is just utterly AMAZING!

I was so amazed...

I know he created the whole universe, the nine planets, the SUN, MOON, STARS.
I know he created animals , plants and the systems that make them function.
I know he created mountains, seas and soil just by a word from His mouth.

BUT..
What captivates me the most is,
US...His most precious creation.
How he made us SO different in SO many areas just shouts out His POWER.

Sam said something last night at ocf that i thought was really beautiful and the best ever illustration of how GREAT God is.

"He holds the world in the palm of His hands..."
That's how BIG He is..
And having that authority tells us how "WHOW" he is..

I'm going on and on and on..
Beating around the bush..
And i think i should stop now...LOL

Tataz~

Of Roses & Rocks

2007-08-03T13:23:00.000+08:00

I was talking to my friend, X yesterday...
X is going through a somewhat complicated situation with this other person Y...
We were joking around and i told X, i'll make up a poem and dedicate it to her...LOL!

Then 30mins ago i thought, hey... "why not??"
So, here it is...
It's a teeny weeny bit crappy...
i just assembled everthing that came into my mind...
I still think it's w-e-ii-rrr-d... but nvm la... Just for the fun of it!!
muahhahahaha!!

X, you didn't expect this did you....? Anyway, this is for you...hehe!=)

Of Roses and Rocks

If only i know how he feels,
If only i know what he thinks.
Here at the footstool i'll kneel;
Praying, "Help me Lord, I'm at my brink..."

At the brink of the cliff
Where pointed rocks lay beneath,
Like spears it would penetrate,
How am i to breathe?

Not knowing if these rocks may evolve
Into a cushion of thornless roses;
The centre at which butterflies revolve,
As in imaginary realisations of romantic proses.

Nothing can i do but wonder;
Wondering if rocks would break to reveal roses
Wondering if butterflies will emerge in their graceful poses
Wondering if pointed rocks would replace my proses

Sitting in my room i pray,

"Lord, help me to hang onto this cliff
Guard my heart and make it Yours
Push me over if it is Your will
For then i know, what awaits me is real."

dedicated to X my beloved friend

kk.. i think i'll go grab a 30-minute nap. We have overnight prayer meet tonight... i hope i last! =)

A lovely thing called...DANCE

2007-08-02T21:18:00.001+08:00

I found these pictures while googl-ing...
I love dancing...
I miss dancing...
I adore these pics...

Scene from "Take the Lead"

Random Pic

Tango

My abandoned shoe

Lovers & Dancers

There's so much attitude & expression of emotions...
Love it!

CEMETERIES

2007-08-02T11:44:00.000+08:00

CEMETERIES... what inspired me to post this entry...?

My Human Biology project.

You see, we're supposed to gather data of the age of deaths for people in a specified era of our choice. (ie. 1980-1990...in tens). Then they went on to explain that students in the years before gathered their data by going to the cemetery. Walking among tombstones, reading dates, age of death etc. etc..

You see...i have NO problem doing all that except the "walking among the tombstones" part. Just sounded a bit eerie.. =S My classmates, Adrian and Pamela were like YAY!!!! Let's go at night!!!Let's do a roadtrip to the various cemeteries!!! And i was just yawning and going... "Oh Bother!!! It's freaking 9.30 in the morning!!"

Then, i realised.. there's nothing eerie about places like that. I mean, all the talk about GHOSTS and stuff.. We're all influenced by the media. Television, Books, Magazines...causing all these unnecessary boughs of fear!

Some of us can really imagine. I CAN'T watch horror movies.. i'll just remember the images too well and re-conjure them in my imagination. Of all times.... when i'm trying to sleep. But i know friends who can watch and laugh OR watch, get scared and forget just like that! =)

Kk... got lots to write about ghosts vs. unfamiliar evil spirits and all

But i think i'll not go on... cause i have to finish my tute for tomorrw!!
Again last minute...
Will update tonight, after i'm done with my linguistics tute..

~BOO YAH!!

To Eunice: Put up your long hair picture after you're done painting it on... haha!

Amazing GRACE

2007-08-01T12:31:00.001+08:00

The movie "Amazing Grace" opened my eyes...

To see beyond what i have... beyond what we, fortunate folks possess.

To the injustices of this world.

To how much more we should show grace, the way Christ did.

To be set apart, consecrated from the world and to stand up for what we think is right.

To how AMAZING His grace is to us...who are so undeserving.

GRACE in general, according to the dictionary:

- a manifestation of favor

- mercy, pardon, clemency

GRACE theologically, according to the dictionary:

-	the freely given, unmerited favor and love of God.

-	the influence or spirit of God operating in humans to regenerate or strengthen them.

-	a virtue or excellence of divine origin: the Christian graces.

I just realised that there's a similarity in both the general and theological definitions of GRACE. Obviously, it's the word "favor" which i've typed in bold.

Then, i realised... it's the manifestation of favor from one person to another AND it's the manifestation of UNMERITED favor and love of God towards men respectively.

Unmerited?? It has many definitions. So, i dictionary.com-ed.
MERIT: to be worthy of, to deserve.

I was like...., "Ahhhh... i see.

" It's God's manifestation of favor and love to those who are not worthy of & who do not deserve it."

BINGO!

Amazing Graze & My Craze

2007-07-31T15:12:00.000+08:00

Ahhhhhh!!! Can your feel the relief?????? Aren't i radiating with RELIEF??????

MUAHAHAHAHAHAHHAH!!!!

The tute that i walked into with only reading half of what i was supposed to read turned out pretty well actually! It was more of an open discussion where you throw out your ideas of the main themes brought up in the readings themselves. Since it's only the 2week, it was quite a light discussion but i managed to say "something" at least... not the word "SOMETHING" but something.. get me??? yeah.... hahhhahah!!! I'm so super hyper now...=)

Anyway, i know i shouldn't be so happy YET! I have 2 more tutes 2prepare for. Both involving 2 LONG ARTICLES with a MINIMUM of 5 pages... (note the words "long" & "minimum" )*SIGHS* ( here goes my hyperness... the sheer thought of it can just kill the joy and happiness of being tute-preparation-less) *SIGHS*... (-.-)

Uni today was EXTRAORDINARY for me... you know WHY???

Because i didn't sleep at all!!! Listened to the boring, mundane, lectures of ecosystems, population density, biodiversity... OMG!!! Like who caresss?????!!! i know, i know.... i should be a good student!! I thank God that i did A-Levels though. Eventhough i can't really remember everything, at least i have an idea of what the lecturer was droning on about.

[ I'm like so ya know.. proud... like ..yeah.......*flicks hair* (let's pretend i have long hair) ]

*White Chicks' Style*

MUAHAHAHAHHAHAHA!!!!

Talking about long hair... Short or long is better???

SHORT

LONG

Great....i just realised i did the dumbest thing ever. I could have just put up an older pic of me with long hair rather than painting hair onto my scalp.... so DUH la me!!! Seriously... i think genieve is right!! This blurness can only be found in the "tan" genes.. at least, my family... (no offence to the not-so-blur-tans out there) *salut* hehe!

I'm supposed to go read something after this. Cause we're going out for a movie tonight. "AMAZING GRACE"- some sort of Christian movie. Apparently, it's about this court case..according to EeLin. I don't know... haven't seen the trailer. Hoping it'll be good.

Scene from movie

Yo dle -ae- hee-hooo!!!

Signing off........ *yawn*

ANTHROPOLOGISTS!!

2007-07-31T00:08:00.000+08:00

I haven't finished my reading and i don't think i will...
I read through it and i daresay, i don't understand a word!!!! *sigh*

Anthropologists!!! Why can't they be more simple?? Why can't they write short and concise sentences rather than going on and on like a train travelling a hundred miles an hour just to convey one little TEENY WEENY point that can just be rewritten clearly into a short, neat and beautiful sentence??!!!!!

*sighs*

Reading it just gives me the headaches... seriously!!(-.-) Maybe that's why they're called anthropologists! Oh well, i guess i'll just go for my tute tomorrow and act like "i-tried-reading-but-never-understood-a-word" person. I'm sure the tutor would be "delighted" to have me. At least i tried.... *sighs*.

Kay.... enough of my complaints!

Auntie Marilyn shared a verse with me (through eelin) cause the bus which took me home on Sunday evening from church was late. I couldn't attend BS at hosanna... So, yah.. Anyway, it goes:

" You are my hiding place; You will protect me from trouble and surround me with songs of deliverance. I will instruct you in the way you should go; I will counsel you and watch over you."
Psalms 32: 7,8

This verse is in line with what i've learnt over the week. I'm sure it was God's doing and i praise Him for His faithfulness!!

Another verse popped into my head a few seconds ago..

" Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him and He will make your paths straight."

Sometimes, i forget how faithful He has been to me. When i look back through the chapters of my life, i realise that... there was only 1pair of footsteps in the sand at many instances in my life & those definitely...belonged to my Father. How could i be so unfaithful as to not trust wholly in Him and stop worrying?

I guess we're all humans and all of us do make mistakes. I, for one did. I forgot to give Him my whole trust. It is also written in the bible that... if He, our Father in Heaven can clothe the flowers and feed the ravens, how much more will He provide for us, His beloved children and heirs. So, why should we worry?

" All things work out for the good of those who love Him."

I'm putting my life at his altar and i know there's nothing to worry about! =)
As stated in Psalms 32: 7& 8, He will instruct and teach in the way i should go and He will counsel me and watch over me. And if i trust in Him, He in all his splendour will make my paths straight according to His perfect will. He'll do the same for you too! =)

He will never be able to straighten our paths if we don't let Him.

TRUST= Putting everything in His hands and LETTING Him take hold of what is OURS, making it HIS.

I think i'm becoming super duper duper long winded la....
Anyway, you get what i mean la...
Trust in Him..
Know that He is God..
Our provider, strength, refuge and most importantly FATHER.

Noodlilisciousness & unresolved resolution

2007-07-30T12:28:00.000+08:00

The bio and linguistic tutes that i was supposed to do yesterday, are not completed. Actually, i haven't started yet! =( Another one of my procrastinated items. *sighs*
I really wanna change, really do...

Resolution before sem 2 started: Be more consistent in studying. Not last minute.
Status of Resolution: UNRESOLVED

Eating my noodle lunch...
Dreading the thought of hopping onto the bus in 25minutes time...
"yearning" to hear what the psychology lecturer has to say...
Can't wait to get back and go for a jog at Morialta...
CAN wait to do my tutes tonight...

My noodliliscious noodles! I lOVE CHILLI!!!!!

Kay... i gtg get ready!!!! Bla bla bla.. Yada Yada Yada.... TATAS!!!

Correlation between HECTICNESS and JOY

2007-07-29T12:04:00.000+08:00

Yesterday was a really hectic day for me. I was out from 8 am all the way till 2.30pm having stuff to do from the city all the way to Paradise! Had a quick lunch and took a shower as soon as i got back, got dressed and went out at 3.30pm. Thank God for Genieve and Bryan. Bryan has a car, so he sent us both to Victoria Square to meet Cliff. Then, 3 of us walked to Paul's place to help out in preparing the food for the Newbies Dinner.

THANKS BRYAN FOR DRIVING & THANKS GEN FOR HAVING BRYAN!!!! hahahhahah!!

Ruth is such a good cook! She was so nice to come over and cook practically EVERYTHING!! We had Mapo Tau Foo, Roasted Chic Wings & Drums, Egg with Lap Cheong & Cantonese Style Vege. Sounds yummy huh? hehe =)

That reminds me..During dinner we were "girl-talking" (Sorry Paul, Warren & Cliff) about WEDDINGS! In the midst of talking...

Gen: My finger is stuck in your table.. (there's a metal loop at the sides of the table.. you know, part of the design)

Paul: Don't bluff la!!

Gen: really!! I'm not bluffing!!

EVERONE CHORUSED: HAHAHAAHHAHAAAHAAHAH!!!!

Especially me.... i was guffawing!! And the cutest thing was that her ring finger got stuck! of all fingers, her ring finger. Mel was saying.. maybe it was all because of the wedding talk. Paul brought soap to help lubricate her finger...i wanted to help but i couldn't. I was laughing sooo hard!!! It was SO hilarious and Gen.. you're SO cute!!! you really lighten my day!!

Note to GENIEVE:
You are blessed!! With so many talents that you may not even be aware of. You're blessed with humor and the ability to entertain people. The ability to make people laugh! A unique personality..You are truly blessed...!! =)

Paradise Dance Prac was one of my itineraries yesterday. This BU fashion- Spring, we're going to do some broadway extravaganza incorporating the " Hey Mambo!" song. It's gonna be fun! Very different from the jazz and contemporary thing we did for Winter Fashion Show in June (Pics are yet to be put up). We're gonna be working with little kids and adults this time. I think it's a good way of uniting people from all walks to life, all ages, all races. All just coming together and putting some of their time into serving God and giving an input into this evangelical event. We're all gonna dance for God like how David did! How great is that?!!

Talking bout evangelical event, E-Night is coming up! OCF will be holding this E-night thing on the 30th of August!

YES PEEPS, you read RIGHT!!!!

30th of AUGUST!! COME! COME! COME!

Kinda promoting it.. hehhe! =) Anyway, yeah... YOU!! Yes YOU.. YOU who are reading this at this very moment, you better get your bums bums over on the 30th! You will not regret it..=)

WHERE? HOW?
JUST ASK! muahahahhha...

Kay... enough of advertising. =)

I am supposed to go and do my tutorial readings for linguistics and Bio but i haven't got down to doing it yet. I should... and i WILL go do it after i finish typing this post. So much to do, so little time. The next few weeks are going to be hectic and i will rely on His strength to pull me through I'll remember to smile!!

So, you guys out there who are having a bad time.. be it today, this week, these few weeks, be encouraged! remember, he's with u throughout your journey... every sec, every minute, everyhour.. of everyday! =)

In spite of all the hecticness, there's still joy in the Lord!!!

HYPOTHESIS:
- Joy increases with hecticness. Therefore, there is a correlation between hecticness and joy.

Ohkay... i should stop being so sciency (no such word) but... u get what i mean! lol

I just remembered this Sunday school song:

I've got joy, joy, joy, joy
Down in my heart, YEAH!
Down in my heart
Down in my heart

I've got joy, joy, joy, joy
Down in my heart
Down in my heart TODAY!

klar... signing off now..
Gonna play some guitar
Then go do my tute..
Going to church at 4.40pm later..
See ya guys!!!

BE JOYFUL!!!!

PEACE

2007-07-25T23:24:00.000+08:00

Sometimes, we go through challenging times in life. Times where we just do not know where to turn to. Times where, peace is all we need and want BUT as twisted as this world is, so is seeking solace & peace. At least, it may seem like it's twisted.

Finding peace may seem hard but maybe we're just looking in the wrong corners and spaces in this world..Find out how & and where it is found...

For with peace comes hope. And with hope comes happiness.

WHERE IS PEACE FOUND?

Feeling the breeze

Wrapped by a twirl of blackness

Lying facing the starry trapeze

I look with a sense of bleakness

The tornado of darkness

That blurring my vision

Familiar it is; but why so?

Lingering in my soul’s horizon

This darkness reveals nothing

Like a man clothed in sparkling jewels

With ephemeral depths is gleaming loathing

Reason after reason

Collide in my mind

What holds me in this prison;

My soul searches to find

Possible causes rise and sink

Does a roll of the dice speak?

Is this what life merely is?

A whirlpool of probabilities and magic tricks?

As doves in tricks

Emerging from top-hats and fiddlesticks

Where does peace come from?

That which keeps us alive in our form.

Like the merge of crossroads

Faith and the supernatural meet

There will be no burdens to tote

Only the presence or God to greet.

I wrote this piece quite recently. Didn't revise it much but i think there's much to be improved... Do comment and let me know if you have any ideas yea...? tHANKIES! =)

God Bless!

A Walk Through Rostrevor & Life

2007-07-25T23:10:00.000+08:00

These past few days have been really eventful for me. Many things have taken place, most of it on the personal side.

Anyway, God has been good and i've been learning to listen to Him. I've learnt many things in the past few days.

I took 102 bus today unlike other days whereby i take 104/105 which takes me straight the Hosanna's doorstep (well, technically...) Yah, 102 stops at a housing area in Rostrevor. I had to walk approx 10mins to reach home but i had an awesome time.

Walking today, i realised how great He is, creator of all the flora and fauna around me. We, humans tend to get too caught up in our lives sometimes and forget how powerful our Savior is! I was speaking out aloud to Him all the way home and it was awesome...=) I might take 102 more often... to get off the hustle and bustle and into the quiet communion with Him through conversation.

Other than that, can exercise which i TOTALLY need... i SO can't fit into my pants!! I'm serious... the buttons might just fly out when i expire. You know, like in WHITE CHICKS the movie (the scene whereby they were trying to fit into this suit and the button broke the fitting room mirror...??) hahhhaha! That movie was SOOOOO hilarious!!! LOL +) I'm serious.. Xiaoxiao calls me "sweet potato". But i'm happy... like they say, "well-fed" . I'd rather be that than aneroxic ..Now, THAT is scary!

Kk... i'll go watch "house" now. I know this sounds a bit insane but i think i'm falling in love with him.....ermm.. kk, mayb his character... hehe! i don't know, he's rude and prude but he's just an interesting persona..=)

Chiaoz!

Sakais' Trip

2007-07-18T19:37:00.000+08:00

A bunch of us went on a little trip which involved us visiting 3 different venues and eating over 6 varieties of sausages.... -.- We went last week and i know, me updating about it here is a BIT delayed but... yeah... =)

Anyway, the "sakai"s involved were:

SAKAI NO. 1:

Kaz, 23, Male
- Driver no. 1
- has a feminine side named Karen.

SAKAI NO. 2:

Ee Lin, 19, Female
- Assistant to Sakai no. 1
- blur (according to sakai no. 1)

SAKAI NO. 3:

Bryan, 19, Male
- Driver No. 2
- The Sakai Man himself!

SAKAI NO. 4:

Genieve, 19, Female
- Wife (wait.... or was it pet? LOL!) to Sakai no. 3
- known to talk to the animals (asking them to.. "Mate!! Mate!!".

SAKAI NO. 5:

Esther, 20, Female
- "bright" bimbotic passenger doing nothing except making noise & pigging on the way home.
- sakai enough to post up SUPER lame things such as this list.

We went to several places during our trip.
First up, we went to Cleland Wildlife Park. The animals were... how do you say, showing off their macho'ness for some reason... and i have no idea why... -.-

That bird stood there for AGES.. like," hello! We know you're handsome".
Ee Lin (sakai 2) almost got pecked by it just because she disrupted his free show.. LOL=)

That roo was sooo sexy and so is someone's bum! hahah!

Ee Lin & I and the 3/4 of Kaz..-.-

Feeding Roos

Evolution taking place from homo-sapien ---> a roo-roo-mapien (i dunno the species name) LOL!

All 5 of us

After Cleland, we went to Handorf (a german village) well-known for its German Sausages.. YUM!

MAKAN!

After that, we went to Mount Lofty to admire the scenery..

Then, Karen had a craving for Cheesecake... we drove here and there and in the end... WALLA!

Lemon Cheesecake

Choc Mudcake

More pics can be seen in Multiply... Long live the SAKAIS! MUAHAHHAH!

Footsteps in the Sand

2007-07-13T00:10:00.000+08:00

This is a record breaker... This is the 3rd time i'm posting in the last 12hours (that doesn't even count as a day)!! =)

This ever-changing weather has finally taken its toll on me... I have DEFINITELY & INEVITABLY caught "THE" flu <>. In other words, i'm SICK la!! My head's throbbing like a train just ran over it BUT (yeah....there's a BUT) BUT, i can't sleep. Yes, you heard me right... i can't sleep. You can sing a thousand lullabys or make me count a gazillion sheep & i still wouldn't be able to sleep! It's like trying to shut down your freaking computer but it just gets STUCK; and no matter how many times you try, it just NEVER budges!

I guess i'm kind of emo right now... I've been trying to keep myself cheery and just when i think that i'm on the midst of succeeding, i fail. It's good to feel sad sometimes, to cry and let out all those pent-up feelings. After 2weeks, i shed tears AT LAST. I was too numb... too numb. At least, now i feel more human.

Pastor Steve kelly preached last Sunday about the power of our words and also about strengthening our FAITH. Faith is the foundation of a lasting relationship with God. It surpasses all humane worries and agitations. Having faith that God will straighten things out means that we put out trust wholly in Him knowing that He will carry us through. Just like the illustration of "Footsteps in the Sand".

FOOTSTEPS IN THE SAND

One night a man had a dream.
He dreamed he was walking along
the beach with the Lord.

Across the dark sky flashed scenes from his life.
For each scene, he noticed
two sets of footprints in the sand,
one beloning to him and the other to the Lord.

When the last scene of his life flashed before him,
he looked back at the footprints in the sand.
He noticed that many times along the path of his life
there was only one set of footprints.
He also noticed that it happened at the
very lowest and saddest times in his life.
This bothered him and he questioned the Lord about it.

"Lord, you said that once I decided to follow you,
you'd walk with me all the way.
But I have noticed that during the most
troublesome times in my life there is
only one set of footprints.
I don't understand why when I needed you most
you would leave me."

The Lord replied "My precious, precious child,
I love you and would never leave you.
During your times of trial and suffereing,
when you see only one set of footprints in the sand,
it was then that I carried you." Unknown Author

Having the knowledge that He will carry us through; is by itself a tremendous comfort when facing trying times. Therefore, words of complaints and whinings should not flow freely from our mouths for we have the assurance that things are in the Almighty's hands.

Therefore, i will continue to strive and face the trials of this world with faith that everything is going to be okay. With persistence, i will not complain. =)

Now, the GOOD NEWS:

It was a relieved to find out that i actually got a 'Conceded Pass' for my French. I don't think i wanna take my supplementary exam cuz i heard that only a limited number of units are allowed for supplementary exam throughout my whole 4 years. So, yeah.... Not that sure though, will find out more. Oh... btw, the mark was 49!!! 49!!! SOOOO annoying!!! Arrrgghhhhh!!! -.-

I'll be having a long day tomorrow. So, i think i better go get some rest.
NItezzzz........

*plumped on bed*
zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzZZZZZZzzzzz.....

HATRED

2007-07-12T19:03:00.000+08:00

Many of us can comprehend hatred in all it's intricacies. I, for one can never understand how it would be like to hate someone. Dislikes, i have but not hate.

HATE is too powerful a word. To say that we hate someone, would mean that we want to see the latter dead no matter what the circumstance (some may have different definitions...)

Every word uttered out of our mouth counts...
Every phrase we speak mean more than what we meant it to mean...
Every syllable holds power, though unseen...
As the saying, "a picture paints a thousand words".... so do words paint a thousand emotions.

For words can kill..
Not literally BUT indirectly..
It kills our very inner being..
And slashes those of others'..

So, we have to be careful with what we say and not take "hatred" as an unimportant feeling. Even if we do hate, let us not utter a word lest hurt anyone. Instead, let us seal our lips and cleanse our minds from it.

Wrote this poem long ago. Hope it means something to you people out there.

I HATE YOU

The line is heard all the time;
Not to be exchanged for a single dime.
It’s priceless,
though it seems meaningless.
But the story falls back;
Into the eternal night,
where nothing seems to be bright.
Nothing,
in that night-filled line.

“ I hate you”
That’s what we often hear,
like bells singing full of fury and fear.
Sourcing from the pit of darkness;
hidden from sight,
In the deepest core of a breathing creature;
Those that rule the beautiful pastures,
Handmade by the Maker of the Universe.

Though when it is sounded;
Just seems like a violin playing solo.
Without authority,
Without effect.

But there is a place,
Where the heart is drowning,
in that loud and eerie sound,
of a grand musical orchestra,
far, far away…

Till it is found again;
It'll be trapped,
in a land of feelings.
filling the place,
with bitterness.
with debilitating happiness.
Where sorrow and anger,
starts to sprout,
from a seed once sown.
When u never had a clue;
And said "I hate you".

Be encouraged.. =)

Cheers!

My Messy Room- Part 2 & NEW PHONE

2007-07-12T18:28:00.000+08:00

HEY HEY....

I'm back with pictures of my room once again.. This time, with extra furniture and different arrangement. It's kinda officy, but i like it...Gives the cosy feeling. You know, when you stay a room which is too big and empty, you tend to feel that the space just ignites this gloominess and loneliness in you... Or maybe it's just me..-.-

Anyway, kinda "stole" the white table from the room opposite from mine since it's uninhabited AND it already has a desk of its own. The shelf was given to me by a friend who moved out 2 weeks ago. So yeah.... I am SO pleased with my room BUT the twist it that, the moving space is so small...Still, i'm pleased. Hehe! =)

My Messy Room Part 2- Scene 1

My Messy Room Part 2- Scene 2

Next highlight...
I got a new phone...
Well, indirectly got a new phone...
You see, i was currently using a prepaid number and i had to top up 30$ every month. Sometimes, 40$... But, normally the minimum would be 30$.
I realised that it'll be cheaper if i just get this post-paid number following the monthly cap system..
All i have to do is sign a 2 year contract with them. I have to pay 32$ and i get :

120$ worth of credit to any networks.
70$ worth of calls to similar network.
unlimited MMS to similar network.

See how much i can save?? And i get the phone too.... SO, YAY!! =)

SONY ERICSSON Z610i

A Plastic Bag of SUFFOCATION

2007-07-06T01:36:00.001+08:00

SUFFOCATING

"Multitudes of cascading droplets crashing down on me,
As if heaven pours spear after spear,
Of trials that pierce deep;
Sharpened blades incising my heart.
My breath is short, my head is spinning;
Could this be happening?
Is this not a dream?"

Wrote "Suffocating" in 5minutes...Believe it or not, that's how long i took. I guess it must have really poured out from deep within. This shows the extent of my suffocation.

SPEARS OF TRIALS:

I lost both my grand-auntie and Uncle in the span of 1 & a half months.

Never had a chance to know them well. It's was more of.. i didn't take enough initiative to get to know them better.. Even when i had the chance. I feel so selfish...and GUILTY. But i know, that things like these do happen and i guess, it's God's way of relieving my uncle of his unbearable pain.

A special friend left.

My special friend, X left Adelaide for America on a student exchange programme and i miss X lots already. X will be gone for 8 months and we parted on weird terms. I don't know how it would be like when we meet again next year... i don't even want to imagine. I saddens me and scares me.

Casual chat with Dad.

Today, Dad shared with me things that he's never shared before. I hope he feels better.
(rest is P & C)
I LOVE YOU, DAD.

Kinda failed FRENCH.

I got a mark in the range of 45-49%. The passing mark being 50%, I obviously, failed. I knew i was going to anyway... But God is good. I qualified for a supplementary exam. It's like a second chance. I'll keep my fingers crossed! (this is partly good and bad.-.-)

So... yeah.... All these things combine to make an ultimate PLASTIC BAG; which covers my head and SUFFOCATES me.

I know things will be alright in the end;
But where is the end?
For now, i do not see the end;
I just see the horizon of a never-ending ocean.
As round as the earth ,
These trials run in a circle;
Having no fixed end point,
Having no END.

God is good and faithful.

He NEVER forsook me, is NOT forsaking me & will NOT forsake me.

This verse seems so real and relevant in times like these.

["Cast your anxieties on Him for He cares for you..."] ~1 Peter 5: 7~

-DEATH-

2007-07-05T22:33:00.000+08:00

DEATH

What does this word mean to you?

What is it's very essence?

Why does it happen...most of the time, unfairly?

MY ANSWER TO THAT...
I'm not so sure myself.

I've experienced 2 deaths in 1 and a half months. 
My grand-auntie passed away  early June. 
A few days ago, her son (my uncle) passed away due to cancer.
My deepest condolences to his family.

I was flabbergasted!! Shocked!! I have no words to describe how speechless i was... OK, i was SPEECHLESS (full-stop).

I met Uncle David and his wife, Auntie Pauline soon after my arrival. I didn't know them before that..I think i posted up something about them where i spent my first Chinese New Year abroad with them.They're great people and sometimes we ask, " Why does DEATH pull great and awesome people down...?"

I guess we'll never find an answer to that cause DEATH by itself is unfathomable. 
Let alone it's reason behind pulling lives apart.

Only GOD knows.

We'll know when we encounter DEATH face to face.


I feel utterly GUILTY. 
I didn't call my uncle to check and say hi and all.
And now.. i'll NEVER have a chance to ever again.
I feel HORRIBLE.

I guess i'll just leave this post at this.


MY DEEPEST CONDOLENCES TO THE BELOVED FAMILY OF UNCLE DAVID GOH.

My Messy Room Part 1- ~Home Sweet Home the 2nd~

2007-06-29T19:11:00.000+08:00

Hey Hey Hey...

i wanted to post of my room pics earlier but there was some prob with blogspot rmbr??

anyway......

WELCOME TO MY MESSY ROOM!

Trying to collect a wall of postcards...or anything cardy a& pretty...

Cool huh?! Given to me by JADE..
Stop the Nuclear Fool Cycle...

Below: 1 Corinthians 13: 4-7 ------------->

Hosanna Heights---------->

Samesame...--------------->

Scenery in Adelaide~

Dumbness or Blurness.....? CHOOSE ^.^

2007-06-29T18:09:00.000+08:00

I'm back....

See the title of this post...?

WHAT or WHO is so dumb or put-in-a-nicer-way.. blur.......? (you may ask)

Do you happen to know the person writing this blog...? Yeah... SHE's the answer to your very question...
Not surprised i'm sure..

Sometimes,i think i'm born with the "blur" genes..
It must be encoded in my DNA..heritage of the TAN family..
Maybe it's just me and my sis, eunice....i dunno.... BAH! hahah

kk.. let me tell you the story...

Exams started roughly 2 weeks ago and everyone was busy with exam preparations.. you know, the usual cramming of information into God's INCREDIBLE invention... THE BRAIN.

Uni Adelaide's library opens till 10pm at night. So, ee lin and I decided to go to uni to do our revision till late night..knowing that, there are tonnes of distractions back at hostel..hehe =)

After a series of events, we ended up in the State library instead which is located a short distance from uni.. Nearing dinnertime, Kazu and Dennis(friends from HH -Hosanna Heights) smsed us asking us if we'd like to go out for dinner together because they were at uni library as well...The more the merrier... SO, YAY!!! Food... ~Glorious FOOD~

You see the state lib has this rule whereby we have to leave our bags with the security people.. So, we decided to be smart that day... (which we obviously regretted) Instead of carrying our HEAVY books and bags out to the city for dinner, we left them with the security.

After dinner, we had "COld-Rock ice-cream" (EXTREMELY YUMMY!!!) and walked back to lib..it was 8.15pm, so were still in time cause they close at 8.30pm...

Walking happily to the entrance of the lib, we stopped at our tracks..

It was dark...

The lights were off...

Everything was quiet...

we went.. OMIGOSH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

True enough...the doors were locked!

And there, written on the doors were 10am-8pm @.@

Yah.. Guess what we did??!

We burst out laughing like dumb dumbs...LOL! We couldn't stop laughing... it was so ironic and hilarious!!! Our main motive was to study late.. And now, our books were stuck in the lib and we were standing at the entrance, locked out, eating ICE-CREAM.. How much more contradicting can it be?? -.-

EE LIN / ESTHER

CONVERSATION:

hahahahaahhahaahaahaaahahahahahahhh!!!!!

OMG!! i can't believe it! Did we leave anything important in our bags?! Nothing right??

Nah.. our purses and phones are here...Wait! My Keyssss!!!!!

*pause* Keys?? ohhh!!! MY KEYYSSSS tooo!!!

hahahahahhahaahahahahaahhahhaahha!!!

Where are we gonna sleep tonight?!

I don't know! Great...what should we do now??

Let's go get more cold-rock! hahaha!

okokok =)

***THE END***

Ee Lin & I - LOCKED OUT and "keyless"! LOL

Me and Cold-Rock!

Open wide.......

Our second buy: A SHAKE (4 flavours) & Mint-Strawberry Ice cream.

YUMS!!

We were lucky.. One of our friends had a spare key to one of the rooms. We slept in sleeping bags that night...

Went to sleep without brushing our teeth...

And woke up the next morning in time to take the 9am bus to get our stuff...
(obviously without brushing out teeth agn.. i know, yucks..) haha

It was a GREAT experience... Stupid but farny!!! LOL....

DUMB or BLUR...??

I'd say.. BOTH! =)

-GUILTY- & back from the jungle...winks at jane

2007-06-27T19:41:00.000+08:00

i am SO guilty of this treachery and i know it! I have been M.I.A.ing for 3 months.. or maybe more!! Thousand apologies people...!! Especially Jane, Karyn, Eunice and whoever else that's been reading faithfully... I have been so caught up with stuff happening here... u know..-.- Plus, sometimes you just get that lazy feeling... You know, times when you're just about to log onto your blogspot to post some new happenings..then you hear this freaking voice saying...." LAZYYYYYYY" and all you feel like doing is rolling up in bed or whatever you can do to keep you from going online... Maybe it's just me... anyway, *drum roll*.........................................to those who were faithfully reading.. I am SORRY. Truly am.......

I'm gonna post a few blogs one after another... Too many things happened. It's hard to fit everything into one post perfectly... Know what i mean?? hehhehe! =)

I'm having EXAMS now... Yeah, you read right.... EXAMSSSS!! (With mega-capital letters for ALL the alphabets!!) I've finished 2 papers... one more to go and THAT i'm not sure if i'm gonna pass... guess what?! It's FRENCH (another word in mega-CAPITAL letters) *sigh* -----Esther doing French. What a joke huh? And the best yet lamest excuse i can give you is..

"i want to learn something different and interesting...."

I can still hear myself telling my friends and my parents that reason(on top) when they went like...."WHY in the world French???" So yeah.. my paper is on Saturday and it's 3 hours long!!! 3 hoursss!! SHiTE.. not started a page yet... Those of u who know me well should know that my procrastination has reached an alarming level.... let's see... hmmmm..... it's be there eversince i started going to school....? -.- LOL! IT'S BAD!! I need to be disciplined!

Anyway, my parents came down for a visit and to look around Adelaide and Perth on the first week of June. My grandparents and bro came along.. and it was great meeting up again after almost 4months.

GUESS WHAT??!!! My dad brought me a camera! Remember the post... I LOST MY FREAKING CAMERA?! Yeah.. now, i can put up pics when i post stuff over here... Anyway, took some pics of my current room...

GUESS WHAT???
................................
................................
..............................
...........................
........................
.....................
....................
......................
...................
......................
............................
..................................
..................................
...............................
...........................
.............................
..........................
....................
.................
..............
..............
........
.......
......
......
....
.
..

....
.
....
.....

See all the DOTS on top??? The WHOLE space is supposed to be for PICTURES!!! of my room as i was writing earlier....

BUT noooooo..... blogspot OR my laptop OR whatever just decided to zero in on me AGAIN!!! Yet AGAIN! When i finally have the mood to log into blogspot and breathe abundant life into it once and for all, this happens! Sometimes, i wonder if i'm just out of luck or just plain DUMB (considering the fact that i AM a computer illiterate and just go..."HUH??" whenever some note pops out on the monitor screen)

I DESPERATELY NEED COMPUTER TUITION
(at least....blog tuition..)

i can't wait for tomorrow to be over....i'll be free of this lingering thought haunting my mind for counteless days..

One that goes....." you're not studying... you're supposed to be and you know it....c'mon you pig! Read!"

My body's not responding to these promptings and that makes it worse..

Wish me the best.... I DON'T BELIEVE IN LUCK..... It'll be great if it did, i would need tonnes of it!

Signing off~

Happy Chinese New Year!

2007-02-18T21:27:00.000+08:00

HAPPY CHINESE NEW YEAR everyone!!!!!

"GONG XI FATT CHAI!!"

I just got back from Bordertown this evening. I followed Uncle David & Aunt Pauline (my dad's cousin bro & his wife) to Bordertown where Aunt May stays (Unc David's sis) and also where my grand auntie (My grandfather's sister) is residing. We went down to spend Chinese New Year together and also to visit my grandautie who is now staying in a nursing hospital for the elderly. .A lot of family tree there..haha!=)

The hospital was SO well facilitated n everything looked so beautiful.. But i couldn't bear to look at all the aged-people..The sight of my grand-auntie and all the the other people tore me apart too. I didn't know HOW to react, WHAT to say..All i was telling myself was to " keep in together Esther Tan!!" I don't wanna talk about it more.. it's just really.. arggghh...-.-

Anyway, we had steamboat for dinner on New Year's eve and then the on New Year's day we went to my Aunt's friend's place for lunch.. more like a BANQUET lunch! hehe=) Her friend owns this restaurant in Bordertown so he cooks really well! The food was great! We had pork with salted veggie..(know that dish) And soo many other dishes!! I think there was a variety of 10dishes! It was GREAT!! the best was the CHili padi... there WAS chilli padi!!! hehe=) But it wasn't "pedas" enough..LOL^^

That's about it lor...=) Sat with Taffy at the back of the car on the way home. Taffy's Uncle David's dog and he's ADORABLE!!!=)

My sis just wrote this wonderful poem and it makes me miss her even more!! I miss you, Eunice..And hope your choir thing goes well. I know you're busy but if you have the time, update me on email or something yea...I don'y know this is the "how-many-th" time i'm saying this.. hehe=) And karyn's right!! YOU ARE BLURRRR!!!!!!! How could you know i lost my camera.. aiyoo.. that was ages ago! And that idiot hasn't returned it! Not like he/she ever will.. *sighhsssss*

Klar....i need to go to the bathroom. Bowel is bursting.. don't know why i writing this... speed typing....gtg.... LOL!! HAD the woprst VAlentine's Day EVER!!!!!!! Don't ask!!-.-

Take care!!!

Adioz!~

Why don't people appreciate their lives?

2007-02-12T21:15:00.000+08:00

Hey people..! Actually, i just goe back from dinner with some OCFers (Overseas Christian Fellowship) and they're great! =) Dinner was great as well.. we made sushi n had Shelly's home-made BROWNIES!! It was yummy-licious.. Realised that brownies were in BLOCK letter? haha..you girls should know what i mean. There's nothing more yummier than choc after a choc-draught....(that's what i've been going through... a choc draught! lol)=)

Today something really scary happened lor... I went to Coles (it's like this Australian Tesco), was lining up in the "express-less than 12items queue" and then suddenly, this woman in front of me started shouting!! And fould-scolding the cashier for NO REASON. She looked like an aboriginal but i'm not sure la.. With her were 2small toddlers (her children). It was so scary.. she was practically screaming. Everyone were stunned to silence at that point of time. 2 security guards came n escorted her out of the entrance. It was only when she exited was everyone relieved and back to the things they were doing. She was spitting all the way to the entrance and her son was going like.." Mommy, please stop...please stop" (while pulling her hands). It was so scary YET so saddening. I really feel for her children...My heart went out to them. I felt so horrible that nothing could be done for her children. It was later on when i told the OCFers that i realised she might have been on drugs. I pity her children.....*SIGH*...I really hope that they'll be okay...(-.-)

hmm.... oh yeah! I went to Glenelg beach last Saturday with Genieve. It's one of the most popular and comercialised beach in Adelaide. We had oysters... and they were NICE!!So fresh... They actually cultivate/grow oysters over there. There's also a musuem and a shark shop. Lot's of other shops along Glenelg Road too. We took a tramp there n back. The pics are all at my multiply. You know the drill.. lol.. (www.etlove4eva.multiply.com)

I MISS DANCINGGG!!!!!! *sigh* Sometimes, i feel that i will NEVER reach my dream n goals in dancing. I checked out the studios n everything already but it is expensive. I'm still in the midst of getting my working visa and Tax File Number. I'm hoping to work. So, my dancing has to wait till then i guess. Adelaide City Council is offering free salsa classes BUT they are on Friday nights... n that's when Paradise has Life Groups and OCF has their meeting...=(

I'm taking French, Anthropology n Human Bio as electives. So, hopefully.. can "kau" a frech guy! *winks*.. haha! I AM soooo dreaming!!!=) hmm... Genieve had a bet with me.. She said that i'll definitely get a boyfriend within this 6months. But i don't think so... -.- I really don't lor... haha.. But we'll see how God leads. =)

Klar.... I am gonna sign off now....byeee n take care!!!

P/s: Colourful huh? Got tired of choosing colours so.. all campur-campur.. lol=)

RED!!! + RABBIT sweets!!!!

2007-02-06T22:24:00.000+08:00

Wonder why my entry is titled "RED!!!" ? Cause..... That's the colour of my HAIR!!!! lol^^ I figured that i should dye it red. So, now it is red! It's not that obvious indoors but under light, it's RED. Wooo-hooo!!! It's the most thrilling thing i've done so far...!haha..Nolar, that's crap!

Went for orientation and campus tour today. Campus was huge. Despite the well illustrated campus map, I still almost got lost. Besides that, it was great..Will be going for a whole day outing to Victor Harbour for a subsidised price next Friday. Yay!!! But...NO camera.... *SIGHHHHHHHHHHH*.. I'm starting to give up hope. I'll wait for a few more days. By the way, i told my mom in the email i sent her earlier just now...So, i await the reaction. *sigghhhhhh*

Kay..no more emo-ing! hmmm... oh yea, i went to Chinatown today and ate dumplings for 6.85$AU..and the skin was so thick. Not nice!! Filling was ok but..it was like what?...RM19 for 15dumplings! So, it's about RM1.6666666....for ONE! okok..i should stop this calculating!-.-Anyway, went to get some instant noodles at chinatown and guess what i found? RABBIT sweet!! You know, the rabbit sweet,milky milky one..Sooo happpy man!!!!! And got "pocky" the Australian version of "Rocky".. you know, the sticks "celup-ed" with choc/strawberry. Pocky sounds funny though..LOL^^ why not mocky or zocky or even... SOCKY!! haha=) I know... i'm getting really lame...I guess that's what a few days of extreme boredom can do to a sane person.

The Adelaide State Library is cool!! The place i love the most! we can borrow up to 28books and 8dvds at once! For free...nice huh? i guess, now...i have something to do before classes commence.=)

Klar..i think i'll sign off now. Have to look through my orientation booklets. "jal ja" (korean) everyone!

~CheErS~

I'm in Adelaide~!

2007-02-04T13:15:00.000+08:00

Hey guys! This is my first post eversince i arrived here, at Adelaide. It's been 5 days! Time flies..*sighs* You guys must be guessing that i am having THE time of my life right now... Buutttt, i am not...i'm SO bored!! The highlights of my first 5days..=)

Tues: I packed up and slept. I was sooo tired after the flight. Instead of napping during the 7hour flight, i watched "Pretty Woman". You know, starring Julia Roberts & Richard Gear..And i fell in LOVE that night. He was SOOO handsome!! *winks*.. lol! okay,okay..not in LOVE lar.. But HELLO?! tell me, who can deny that he IS handsome? It's a fact! Anyone saying NO??? Drop me a comment! ^^

My room is great! It's not as small as i expected it to be. As a matter of fact, it is kind of comfortable n spacious for one person. I have a built-in wardrobe, a wide study desk, a book shelf, a sink and toilet mirror, a chair, an armchair and a bed..So, it's not that bad!!=) But my room looks kinda bare right now. I didn't bring anything to accessorize my room. I would take a picture of it and post it up IF i could.. BUT i can't!! And you wanna know WHY???????????

*siigghhhhzzz..* Because i lost my camera!! (what the T*****T!!) i know...i know.. I left it on this chair at the common balcony while emo'ing and i forgot to take it along with me when i left. It was only a few hours later did i realise that i left it there...when i ran back to check, ta-da!! It's GONE!! I am still praying for the person to give it back. Praying for the high-gear conscience to kick in! Cuz at that time, there wasn't many ppl staying at the hostel. So, it should be just one of the few... *sighhhh* Please pray together with me.......*sob*

Thurs: i went to Adelaide city by bus and i can assure you, the public transport here is way cooler than Malaysia's! The city's quite small but the buildings are really nice. They colonial-era looking buildings and the value of architecture is still quite highly regarded. The state library's really nice! There's this mall called Rundall Mall. It's like this street and there are shops along both sides. It is a long long walk..They have benches along the way for people to rest, eat their lunches, hang out..etc.

I enjoyed siting there just watching the people walking past and enjoying the sun. I missed the sun during my first few days. It was warm that day but there were gusts of wind. So, not much perspiration. But it's been SOOOO warm since Saturday till now. It's like 38 degrees..VERY warm & dry! You won't feel sticky but you'll feel like your skin is frying.. *shivers*

Hmmm... what else...? Yesterday went to a shopping mall..The prices are really scary lor! i had to X3 all the time.. lol!! No wonder, people always tell me not to convert all the time. Cause if i did, i don't think i would have bought anything! haha...

Oh yea.. I believe God really prepared the way for me cayse before i boarded the plane, i prayed for journey mercy and for God's hand in my life while i'm staying over here. I was quite worried about being alone and knowing no one when i was there. But God is good! The girl sitting next to me in the plane was also staying in the same hostel as me!! And that is SO highly impossible! Firstly, because no one flies back around that time(end of jan).. Secondly, not many people stay at hosanna.. So, yea...=)

I really miss my friends back there in M'sia..My jimuis! I was looking through my pics and how i wish you guys are here with me! -.- Miss my family too... *sigh*

K den, i think i'm typing WAY too much. I'll sign off now.. oh, my contacts:

mobile: +61423740618
direct line: +(618) 83669445

P/s: Eunice Tan! If u happen to read this... Lost camera + Parents = Yelling! Please don't tell them yet ya! I believe it'll come back... am i having false hopes?.... -.- Just pray for me vryone!! Thankss......

Hugzz to all!!!

I'm boredd....-.-

2007-01-18T01:40:00.000+08:00

hellooo.. i'm actually posting entries 2 days in a row! That's amazing! lol^^

It's been a great day.. I went to the dentist today n he said that he'll be removing my bracers next week n i am SO thoroughly thrilled!

There's one more week left and it's like whow!! How time flies! And THAT in itself is a BAD thing.. I just realised that i am actually 20 this year!! 20 with a "2" instead of a "1" as the first digit!!! I can still clearly remember SPM n the good old school days. In a blink of an eye, everything's changed. Some of us are in University (be it here opr overseas), some in college, some working, some preparing to go...(like me) *sob*. Time flies.. How i wish it did pas slower.
(-.-)

SO.. I went out for dinner with Ms Bedelicious a.k.a Foong Mei Yee today.. It was great.=) Went out swiming with her the day before too. We were the only 2 goblos in the swimming pool and that was AWESOME! ermm.. considering i was wearing my 5 year old swimsuite. Believe me, THAT is NOT the problem. Well, the problem kind of lies with the ermm... layout. -.- Just picture.. a bright red background with patches of BIG white daisies as decor plus a litlle mini skirt attached to it! NEVER liked it..So u get it now? LOL^^

By the way, i have plans almost everyday starting from today( since it's 2.07am).. It's gonna be sooo fun but soo packed!

PLANS

Today(Thurs) -Market with grandma + Lunch & make-up shopping with Wen Yi( yay!)

Fri - To HELP Uni Coll to settle some stuff + out with Jessie for movie!

Sat - Family photo session + Whole family Laksa gathering + Dinner with Auntie Nellie & Doulos
buddies..

Sunday - Church & hang out with youth...(i think..??) haha^^

(next Mon) - Stay over at Mei Yee's with Pam..PENDING

(next Tues) - Maybe one day trip to Gentings with Karyn, Sam, Mae & Joseph....(MAYBE)

(next wed) - having satay(dlunch...??*dinner+lunch*) lol! with kyo..-unconfirmed-

(next Thurs) - Going to makan Satay( again....) with Michelle, Angeline & Darryl &
take pics at Putrajaya!! (can't wait to see u guys.. been so long)

(next Saturday) - outing with Youth Group..

Know why i'm posting my plans? Cuz... i DON't KNOW what else to post! ^^

Oh.. by the way, the Sarawak Pics are still not up on multiply cause it's in my dad's computer n i've been using the notebook. I'll upload it one day though..(sorry ryn)^^
I think i'd better sign off la.. Nothing to write ady..

TataZzzzzz......~

P/s: i just realized that this entry is TOO colourful.. Ah! What- eva la!!

Here i am..^^

2007-01-16T22:32:00.000+08:00

Here i am!! It's been such a long time since i last blogged... Okay, more like put up a notice. I didn't exactly blog the last time..did i?^^

I'm listening to this song, "Reflector" and the lyrics are so meaningful..Part of it sounds like this..:

" Since i found Your love
Never needed anything to fill my heart
Even when i fall
You're always there with open arms to pick me
From the start i knew
No one else could make me feel the way u do
Everyday i just wanna grow just a little closer... "

Sometimes, when i feel alone and empty.. You know, THE feeling of just being so alone in this world.. THE feeling where you just wallow in self-pity..THE feeling where you tell yourself , "Would anyone ever know if i just disappeared from the face of this earth"..Concisely put, THE feeling of inexistence.

Yeah..i was saying, sometimes with THAT feeling lingering around, the lyrics of this song help so much. No matter how alone i felt, it seemed like He was always there.=) Anyway, i AM working on not being so emo about that. When i think about it, it IS just a matter of minimal substance cause there is joy in the Lord right?!=)

Talking bout EMOness.. I am soooo freaking emo!!! I am going to leave in 2weeks time and i am so freaked out!! It's not like i finished packing everything..but that's not what's bothering me. It's like stepping into a foreign land, not knowing a soul! My parents are not following me..So, l'm literally going ALONE...*booo hhoooooo!!!!* I dun think i even know what to do on departure n arrival. i am SO afraid but i know it's something i HAVE to go through to learn some new things..=) Besides that, i "berat hati" to leave my family and friends. I feel bad taking all this small teeny weeny things forgranted before this...You know, time with family & friends. Not making an effort in that area. Know what i mean??*sigh*

I thank God for blessing me with a few people whom i met at the University's Pre-departure Seminar. They are actually current students at the University itself and i found out that being one intake earlier than me, they are the same age as me! (Thanks to my A-Levels.. grrr..!) lol^^ And i found out that one of them is a good friend of a friend.. Such a small world huh?! It's pretty cool! ^^

My ARES has something wrong with it...i AM such a computer illiterate!! I better schedule a tutoring session with John a.s.a.p. hehe^^

I just re-read through what i wrote above and...it's ermmmm...like...full of complaints!! But i don't mean it that way! I am grateful!! Really grateful for everything!!^^

Till next time.....~~~

ATTENTION!!

2007-01-05T23:26:00.000+08:00

Hey people!! Just to lt you guys know.. All photos can be viewed at my multiply site. The recent camp pics are not complete. So, just go there n view yea!! Tata!!

http://www.etlove4eva.multiply.com

-CAMP PICS 06 (1)-

2006-12-23T05:25:00.000+08:00

Charlie's Angels
My Darlings

Me, Jen & Nyd

Nyd & I

Ez, Lyd, Nyd & I

Karyn, Nydia, Ezra & I

Back from Camp...^^

2006-12-21T22:13:00.000+08:00

Yelloo! I just got back from camp about 6somthing this evening and i'm feeling kinda tired, my eyes feel like it's about to shut but i won't allow it to.. I'm like that sometimes..Sounds crazy huh?

Oh, btw.. I still HAVE NOT found the song for the mime!!!n the service is 3days away...I'm seriously panicking lor!-.- *sigghhss* dun wanna think about it...T.T

Ermmm... the kuching pics are so NOT uploaded yet...haven't got the time..LOL^.^ I will post the camp pics soon tho..=)

Oh yar! Lydia, Nydia and Lynell dropped me at the Serdang KTM station today after camp. Lydia was driving and it was SCCAAARRrryyyy.....!!! Lydia's really....ermmm... WILD! haha... No, seriously.. it was so adrenaline-pumping, man! BUt the most hilarious thing is watching Nydia's and Lynell's reactions!!! Sooo super funny...!^^ (Btw, they're siblings...) They way they say "motorcycle!!!" spontaneously was SO SUPER DUPER funny!!! hehe....^^ It was fun tho... Thanks for the lift guys!=)

I'm seriously getting sleepy... Better go sleep before i fall sick. I haven't been getting the right measure of sleep i need...signing off... TAtaZ~

Zzzzzzzzzzzzzz.........T.T

2006-12-15T01:51:00.000+08:00

Hey hey hey.... I am soooo sleeeepppyyy...
I'm trying to finish my visa application online and it is SO freaking SLOWWWW....
It seems like it's moving slower than a snail..OMG..*siGHHHHHssss*

I need to finish up the song but i haven't!! I've been procrastinating as usual..and it DEFINITELY hasn't gotten me anywhere..
Clueless?? Ohkay.. the thing is i have to find this song for a mime we're doing for Christmas Service which is like a week away..
Considering my absence for 4 whole days next week(YOUTH CAMP), i have almost NO time left!! And i have NO..ABOSLUTELY NO idea what soundtrack to use..As a matter of fact, i don't even have a list of songs that i MIGHT be able to use!!!
haishhhh.....

And i just remembered that my bed is filled with some art n craft stuff i was doing last night..
I actually thought of going upstairs n fall straight into bed because my eyelids are saying "bye-bye" and mostly beacuse i gotta get up at 6sumthing tomorrow!!!
But now.... haish~

Kler... i better dun waste any more time here.. Better complete the visa thingie and go to dreamland.. Will be back with the pics..

P/s: i hope i dun have to say that a few more times.. hehe!=)

-Kuching Trip-

2006-12-13T20:05:00.000+08:00

Hey there! I'm back after ages! Anyway, many things have happened since i last blogged..Where should i start...??

Hmm...I went to Kuching for holidays( 6th- 10th) and celebrated my birthday there for the very FIRST time.. At my very own birth place..LoL^^ I didn't remember my own birthday the night before the date itself..Nor did it hit me that i was going to celebrate my birthday right there, at my birthplace.. The birthplace i knew so little about. It was the 2nd time i've been there since i was born, which was way back in ...1987! I think i'm growing old..-.-

The trip was pretty enlightening.. It kinda cleared certain "mists" and "uncertainties" in my life.. Things that i've been struggling for a long time, now straightened out. My life was in a mess when i left KL..But i cam home pretty much contented and i think that it was all part of God's plan.

One afternoon, I was sitting in one of those beach-benches facing the sea. Not exactly at the beach but you know.. those that overlook the sea in all it's splendor. I was staying at a beach resort, so that explains it. Anyway, i was facing the sea and reflecting on the many things in life, the peacefulness overwhelmed me..It seemed like i was drugged by the gentle carress of the breeze, the waves crashing in it's own momentum..above all, the sky which was made up of light blue spreads splashed with dabs of white..=)

Year 2006 has been truly a ROLLER COASTER..It's been the most "roller-coaster-ish" year so far..^^ But i did learn a lot of valuable lessons. Both the hard way and also the easier way..=) Sometimes, i do wish that i didn't have to learn some of those stuff the hard way but i don't regret going through it because by going through certain things in life, we gain more strength, experience and life-inspiring lessons. I've made certain inspiring friends this year, who through their ways and their life has helped me to live better...To mend my ways and to live a life worth living, a life with meaning and with that i am truly grateful of the entrances of these people into my life. They might not know or realize that they have touched n influenced me in many ways, but i will be forever grateful.

I DON'T and will NEVER know what the future might bring but all i know is that it takes TRUST to guranttee us a smooth-sailing future..Trust in both God n ourselves. We always think of the WHAT- IFs. What we don't realize is that FUTURE is only FUTURE when it takes place. What our future is like..what it contains..., all depends on what happens at that "period" of time in our lives. This "period" will take place when..& ONLY when we have made a decision that "yeah, i am contented with what i have at this point of my life and there is not turning back". I have often read that we have an everflowing future, one that never runs dry..somehow, illustrated like a river. For instance, when we are in our 20s, we think of how our future with marriage & a family would be like. Then as we leap into our 40s, we wonder of how our future will be like, whether we'll be able to reach certain dreams, dreams that we've held since we were children. Whichever way, it all adds up to the UNKNOWN. The uncertainty of how our FUTURE will be like. So, i made up my mind to quit thinking of the future and just live life as it is..also to take things one step at a time.

I think i better stop..To grandmother-story-ish" hehe!=) I'll post up some pics of the trip in my next enrty. haven't uploaded them yet.. Till then,..CheErS~

Stupidity ~> the core of my existence..

2006-12-03T20:20:00.000+08:00

It's been almost 2months since my last entry... and you wanna know why?! I seriously CANNOT....i repeat, CANNOT understand how a living human being, a homosapien could be as dumb as me... *Sighhhhhhhsss*
Kay, u must be thinking what in the freaking world am i blabbering on about.. My 2month disappearance had a very reliable reason behind it...~I FORGOT my username & password!!!

"What the.....???????!!" i know, i know...And how did i get in today??~I RANDOMLY typed a username & password....(-.-)

It's pretty sad huh? Sometimes, i wonder how i could even bring myself to do things such as these. Since we're at the topic of stupidity + me +dumb, I might as well make a list of all the dumb things i've done...

A LIST OF THE 3 MOST STUPID & EMBARASSING THINGS I'VE COMMITTED:

1. I bought a ktm ticket from Bandar Tasik ---> Kajang. Once i went through the gate, on my

way to the platform, I threw my ticket away! And it was after 1minute of waiting for the

train that i realised that i basically threw away the MOST important thing a train passenger

should hold on to.. "THE TICKET". I went back to the trash bin and picked up a ticket

which looked brand new, amongst the few top layers of papers...and i boarded the train.

It was when i got out of the train at Kajang that i realised that i had SO "intelligently"

picked up a ticket labelled, " bla...bla...bla... MIDVALLEY"!!! I didn't care to see what the

bla bla bla was...I was too caught up with MIDVALLEY..-.-

That wasn't the end of it. I told the ticketing man, received a good scolding, and was

fined RM10. Indirectly "fined" that it...cause i didn't pay RM10 because when i opened my

purse i didn't have RM10!!!! OMG, i tell you..They sort of imprisoned me inside the station

waiting for my mom to bring the money. My mom who couldn't care less, took her own

sweet time. I still couldn't see her after 20mins..-.- The man said i could just pay the price

of the ticket--> RM1.80 and guess what??! I had RM 1.80 exact amount! No more, no less...

Thank God i tell u... *phew*

2. I rushed to the washroom at a station which contained 2 cubicles. 1 cubicle was

"ROSAK" and the other was occupied. So, the most logical solution was to wait for the the

person to come out, right?? So, i happily combed my hair and the door opened at last...n

emerging was a GUY..And i was thinking, "What is he doing in the ladies??" Then, it hit

me..I was in the GENTS! This demonstrates how my stupidity can actually reach such

an alarming level!

3. Wore heels with short skirt - Walking down to flights of stairs - at an lrt station - in

the midst of everthing "living & breathing" - I publicly humiliated myself - i slipped

& FELL...Yes, u heard right...*sigh*

Anyway, a friend shared this verse with me yesterday and it really brought me back to reality. It exposed all the pent-up and locked-up feelings that i've been keeping in my turmoil of feelings. It made me realise how blind i've been & how faithful He's been. I thank God for sending a particular some1 into my life in this time of need and i really cherish it.

PROVERBS 3:5-6

" Trust in the Lord with all your heart & lean not on your own understanding,

In all your ways acknowledge Him & He will make your paths straight."

~LIFE~

2006-10-09T00:04:00.000+08:00

This is my first post here on blogspot and to tell you the truth, i have no idea why i'm even starting one. I have this opinion that blogging one's heart out online, in front of the whole world is the most foolish thing anyone in his/her right mind could ever do. However, giving it the benefit of the doubt,I even attempted to do it on friendster and it quite obviously backfired.(You don't see it in my friendster account now, do you?) hehe=) That's cause i deleted it. It lasted what...?merely three months..or maybe four..It's not a BIG difference. Do the math: 3 + 1= 4.I have always wondered WHY and HOW some could actually bring themselves to strip in front of total strangers..You know, stripping the smiles,laughter,joy and most of all, MASKS and thus revealing the core of their very being and being ever so transparent. Why, the thought of that revelation scares the hell out of me.

But somehow, tonight..I realised that when we...:
- reach dead ends..
- have no one else to turn to except "me,myself and i"..
- feel like the world is caving in on us..
- are at crossroads and have no idea what to do..

we just need a let it out. Let emotions flow. Hmm...emotions are live rivers of flowing waters..It SHOULD be allowed to flow..freely..unbound......

AND, those realisations drew me to start this account. To start blogging.. To start writing what my heart feels..what my heart yearns for..what my heart needs to say.. It's just a pithole for all my dreams, joy, pain and thoughts. A place that'll hold my secrets for a long, long time. Therefore, i can apologetically say that i am VERY sorry for all the misconceptions and impressions i've ever had of you bloggers out there. Keep it up!^.^

WHAT IS LIFE?

HOW CAN WE EXPLAIN WHAT LIFE IS?

My heart says: It is a serene and precious gift from the Almighty whom owns all things on this earth. As a matter
fact, all the galaxies you'll ever find in any galactical atlas. A gift of love, given so mercifully. We
ARE priveleged. Far more than any of us can ever imagine.

Oxford dictionary states: (1) the state, condition of existing.
(2) human existence.
(3) life as most people live it.
(4) living things in general.

The conclusion i made was.. LIFE is just what it is.

- It is what we go through every day.
- It is the mistakes we make daily.
- It is the achievements we have, the trophies we win and the goals we try so hard to reach but sometimes fail.
- It is who we try to be.

- IT IS WHO WE ARE, the essence of our very making.

No matter how screwed up life can be sometimes OR all of the time for some, I guess we'll just have to come to right terms with ourselves. To actually, reach a point whereby acceptance exists.ACCEPTANCE of who we are. ACCEPTANCE of how we live daily. ACCEPTANCE of LIFE itself..and of what it is.

Through that, hope will surface. No matter how tiny the specks of hope are, it's very existence should be honored with gratitude. HOPE brings LIFE to the DEAD. HOPE brings another day, another chance at LIFE.

No matter how bad life is..It is still God's GIFT to us. One day,maybe one day... hope will turn into reality for some of us and life would be what we would cherish for all our days... Anyway, it IS a GIFT right? It iS supposed to be good.. But sometimes, mix ups do happen..LOL^.^

Whoa..I've written a pretty long first draft huh? hehe!=) Honestly, i don't expect anyone to read this.. like i said, it's merely a pithole of my thoughts. However, i would LOVE any comments, opinions, thoughts that you guys have. i would be impeccably thrilled to know what is going on in that head of yours..=) Will be back soon..~CHEERS~

*~..Essence Of Life..~*

Dear World

Exhaustion + Puke = Snore

Chasing Time

HAPPY NEW YEAR!

Fairy Tales & Happy Endings?

LIFE- A game?

The End Point

A Deliberate Empty Post

12 HOURS TO ADELAIDE

A Tribute to Jessie Goh

Perth + Boredom = Cam-whoring

27 Dresses

HAPPY BIRTHDAY EUNICE!!

Hair Gone Wrong

Stupid nose

Nothing

Arrgghhhh...

My Calf Hurts

In My Shoes for Today

Birthdays

Tired & Happy

REVIVAL IS HERE!

Suffering, Endurance & Hope

BACK TO LIFE!

unsubstantial substance

Past, Present & Future

LIES vs. TRUTHS

Falling & Learning

TO SHELLEY

DISAPPOINTMENT

BU FASHION PARADE (Spring 07)

Why PIGS can't wake each other up

MARY-AT-THE-VILLE

Miss Gorgeous

BU Fashion Parade

~FRUST~

Unrequited Effort

Amazed

Of Roses & Rocks

A lovely thing called...DANCE

CEMETERIES

Amazing GRACE

Amazing Graze & My Craze

ANTHROPOLOGISTS!!

Noodlilisciousness & unresolved resolution

Correlation between HECTICNESS and JOY

PEACE

A Walk Through Rostrevor & Life

Sakais' Trip

Footsteps in the Sand

HATRED

My Messy Room- Part 2 & NEW PHONE

A Plastic Bag of SUFFOCATION

-DEATH-

My Messy Room Part 1- ~Home Sweet Home the 2nd~

Dumbness or Blurness.....? CHOOSE ^.^

-GUILTY- & back from the jungle...*winks at jane*

Happy Chinese New Year!

Why don't people appreciate their lives?

RED!!! + RABBIT sweets!!!!

I'm in Adelaide~!

I'm boredd....-.-

Here i am..^^

ATTENTION!!

-CAMP PICS 06 (1)-

Back from Camp...^^

Zzzzzzzzzzzzzz.........T.T

-Kuching Trip-

Stupidity ~> the core of my existence..

~LIFE~

~..Essence Of Life..~

-GUILTY- & back from the jungle...winks at jane